Rogue Writing

Morally Opposed to Pet Ownership

2012-02-05T10:43:00.000-08:00

Preface
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Before beginning, I feel it important to explain what I mean when speaking of morality. I mostly ascribe to the moral philosophy of Immanuel Kant. His views on morals are frustrating to most, but I’ll do my best to explain his most basic premise as succinctly as possible.

Kant believed that morals were individual, specific to each person. Only after intense consideration should a person commit to a moral. Once a person sets their moral code, any deviation from it is to be considered an immoral act. Others should not set morals for others.

Taking my leaning toward Kantian ethics into account, this blog post explains why I don’t have pets outside of a couple fish. Fish, ironically, are pets that I don’t mind keeping because the kind I get are generally short-lived when found in their natural habitat. Now, on to the post…

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I'm morally opposed to pet ownership.

My moral opposition to pet ownership is a personal thing that I've told almost no one about because it makes me appear like a jerk.

While I do morally oppose pet ownership in general, it's not a morality that I would ever expect others to adopt. I do not criticize those who do not agree with my point of view.

The positive connection that pets of all sorts, even snakes and spiders, grant their owners is undeniable. It's been shown over and over again that humans benefit immensely from the symbiotic relationships they form with many of our fellow Earthly cohabitants.

Pet Ownership Weakens Species
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From an evolutionary standpoint, I'm morally opposed to pet ownership because I feel it's greatly weakened other species.

Most of the genetic health defects that domesticated felines and canines suffer are a direct result of human-propagated breeding practices. We've selected those traits we prefer and bred for them. This is why we have such a wide breadth of physical appearances, or "breeds," of cats and dogs.

Ever notice how most mutts look alike? That's what dogs would look like if we left them to their own devices. In Mexico, there is a class of citizenry that serve as deep evidence of this. Canines that roam through most cities, towns, and villages who will befriend but rarely allow themselves to be turned into pets.

So many of the health issues that pets suffer are human-induced, resultant from everything from breeding practices to what we choose to feed them. Our most prevalent pets, cats and dogs, are not allowed to live as nature intended. They have become dependent upon human beings for their very survival.

Some pet owners go to great lengths to provide a diet that most closely mimics what they would get in nature. Most notable in these efforts is the raw food diet. But just as tanning lamps are okay in the short term for sun-deprived peoples, it's not an authentic long-term solution.

“Buried” Alive
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This section is a little more gruesome and fantastical, but it wouldn’t be the first time a pet was to die because its owner died first.

What would happen to all the pets of the world if humans were to all drop dead one day?
Would they have been better off for having been cared for by owners?
How would they escape the confines of their prisons so that they could hunt?
Would they have the skills necessary to hunt for food?
Would they die and wither alongside our unwatered houseplants?

Pet Ownership Is Slavery
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Some believe that pet ownership is an assertion of domination over nature, that it's a form of slavery. From my perspective, I find the claim hard to dispute.

From cats to cows to chickens, we have domesticated creatures to serve us and ousted those too difficult to tame. That's a huge part of the reason that North American bison were almost completely eradicated. They weren't as easy to push around as cows.

Domestication is the very act of destroying a creature's natural birthright. Pet ownership and all its practices deny creatures their natural birthright. In the natural world, we are all born free.

Friendships over Pet Ownership
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Like St. Francis of Assisi, I believe it is possible to form strong bonds with the creatures of the Earth without asserting our dominance. Personally, I have a truly rewarding friendship with the family of scrub jays who live in my neighborhood and all I had to do was talk with them.

Dogs Trip Me Up
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Dogs are a rare exception to my moral opposition to pet ownership. Historical evidence dating back as far as 33,000 years ago reveals a natural companionship formed between man and canine.

Dogs chose to join up with human beings. But they didn't choose to be controlled. That was humanity's doing.

For myself, I occasionally consider seeking canine companionship because I love dogs. They are so personable and fun to be around. They make me feel good, and they are far more considerate than cats.

Too Much Unnecessary Responsibility
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Then I stop myself when I think about what a great responsibility it is to take on a furry companion. There's the obvious need to feed and care for them.

While it makes me feel wrong inside to dominate others without their consent, I cannot tolerate those who do not teach their dogs discipline. I would feel obligated to break my dog’s natural urges because to live in society, cohabitants must follow some base rules.

Like no shitting wherever you please and no destroying others material goods and no willfully inflicting pain on others. If you're going to cohabitate with another species... well, you know the saying "When in Rome..."

A Persistent Stray Would Test My Morality
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That's not to say that compassion wouldn't strike should an animal naturally come to me in search of care or companionship. I would love the creature and probably invite it to join our family.

Going out to seek an animal to blend into our family? That I can't do.

Tolerant of Others Pet Ownership
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I'm not going to hold it against others who choose to engage in pet ownership. The fact is that pets like cats and dogs have been so deeply integrated into our societies that it behooves us to care for our cohabitants.

I could never start a campaign to end pet ownership. The emotional connections that form between pet and owner are so positive and rewarding for both.

As for me, I will be content to be without interspecies companionship.

Jesus Is Not the Reason for the Season

2011-12-25T11:37:00.000-08:00

With growing smugness year in and year out, Christians love to tout that “Jesus is the reason for the season.”

What a clever slogan. I mean it. From a marketing perspective, the slogan is gangbusters. This makes sense to the average Christmas observer. After all, it’s baby Jesus’ birthday.

The intent of this post is not so much to try to convince you that Christmas is a sham. On the contrary, the purpose is to pique your interest and entice you to explore the customs that most of you practice at this time of the year.

That said, this post will sting to those who cherish Christmas and who cling tight their belief about the holiday.

I’d like to start this post with the smart-ass, half-true observation that the season of winter (or summer in the Southern hemisphere) happened well before the time of Jesus. Now, for the many reasons that Jesus is actually not the reason for the season.

It’s Not Jesus’ Birthday
This is the number one reason that most do not know or refuse to recognize: Jesus was not born on December 25. Although the bible doesn’t specify an exact date for Jesus’ birth, most objective scholars agree that all the clues point to a spring birth. That’s why there was no room at the inns, because it was time for the census and that required everyone to return to their place of birth in order to be counted.

It’s Saturn’s Birthday
When the Catholic church was just forming as the dominant (and for a long stretch of history, the only) form of Christianity, they chose to celebrate Jesus’ birthday on December 25 because they knew that the pagans they were attempting to convert would never give up their cherished tradition of Saturnalia.

Many Mid-Winter Holidays Aren't Christian
Celebration of the Winter Solstice is the oldest known celebration in the history of homo sapiens. Today in the United States of America, people celebrate all sorts of holidays that relate to either their religion, ancestry, or rejection of past traditions within the last two weeks of the year. Such major holidays include Chanukah, Kwanzaa, Winter Solstice, Yule, and the increasingly popular Festivus (Thanks, Frank Costanza!)

Most Christmas Traditions Come from Other Religions
The decoration of Christmas trees dates back to Wassailing, a pagan tradition of decorating one apple tree in mid-winter as a fertility rite for the entire orchard. Holly and mistletoe date back to Celtic mythology and Druidic rituals. Lights are an integral part of Chanukah. Santa Claus’ origins reach as far back as the Greek’s Basil of Caesarea. And gift giving goes back as far as Saturnalia.

Gifts: WWJD?
One last word that is meant more as a criticism of the hypocrisy that runs rampant throughout Christianity: Jesus would reject the unabashed consumerism that has come to mark Christmas. If more Christians rejected the consumerist version of Christmas and gave even half as much to the poor and downtrodden regardless of their religious beliefs as they do to friends and family, the world would be a much, much better place.

A Final Word
With or without Jesus, the winter holiday season would still exist and thrive because it is a down and opportune time. Nature can’t be cultivated at this time in most regions of the northern hemisphere. The crops have all been harvested. Cold weather has taken hold along with the long, dark days. What else is there to do but relax and revel with friends and family? Jesus is most definitely not the reason for the season. To insist he is, rejects the pluralism that makes this world so very beautiful.

The Alphabet ala Google

2011-06-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

Go to Google, type in a letter, and a list of Google's best guess will appear. The following list documents which results appear at the top for each letter of the alphabet.

A is for Amazon
B is for Best Buy
C is for Craigslist
D is for Dictionary(.com)
E is for Ebay
F is for Facebook
G is for Google
H is for Hulu
I is for IRS
J is for Jackson County*
K is for KDRV*
L is for Lowes
M is for MapQuest
N is for Netflix
O is for Oregon Unemployment*
P is for Pandora
Q is for quotes
R is for Rogue Community College*
S is for SOU*
T is for Target
U is for USPS
V is for Verizon
W is for Weather(.com)
X is for Xbox
Y is for YouTube
Z is for Zillow

* Indicates geotargeted results. I encourage anyone who lives elsewhere to see what these letters return and to report them so I can make the list as universal as possible. Thanks.

Contradictions: Sports Lovers Who Espouse One World

2011-06-01T14:23:00.000-07:00

A Prius rolls up to the local food co-op. A bumper sticker in the bottom left corner of the back window brightly blazes the words "ONE WORLD." On the right side of the window, a die-cut football helmet with a particularly aggressive team logo proudly declares who the vehicle's owner supports. The driver steps out of his hybrid. His hair is cut short, bleached and angrily spiked with so much gel it's flaking in the breeze. He wears a football jersey that matches the team sticker on the back of his window.

He runs into his neighbor in the meat section. His fence mate attempts to spark a conversation about how great it is that the co-op provides nothing but locally raised, free-range chicken. The jersey-clad man stops his neighbor mid-sentence to rib him about the neighbor's football team's surmounting losses on the field. The neighbor rolls his eyes, dismisses the sporty man's derision and resumes his original topic of conversation. The sporty guy waves off his neighbor and exclaims for all to hear that he wouldn't want to talk about football either if he rooted for losers.

Flash forward to a day of the week in which none of the man's favorite sports are telecast. The man is now at the local gym. He's now sporting his favorite basketball team's jersey. He resists the urge to dribble the basketball he carries as he scans the workout room for someone he knows. Then he spots him. His workplace's sole "black" man. This man is in the middle of an intense set of bench presses as the sporty guy approaches him.

No, the guy doing the workout is not interested in playing basketball. He's in the middle of his workout routine. The sporty guy doesn't buy it. The workout guy is just afraid he won't live up to the hype that his skin tone conveys. That's what the sporty fellow spews as he dodges and weaves around the guy working out. The guy with the barbell rolls his eyes at the accusation. The tank-top jersey guy chalks up the other man's refusal to play as a victory. His coworker knows a winner when he sees one. Then he proceeds to hit the court to play a game of one-on-three against some middle schoolers. When he beats them, he declares another victory. This time it's a point for the "old" guy.

Everywhere he goes, this sports lover creates divisions. If you root for the same team as him, play the same games as him, talk about the same divisive sports as him, you are part of his "us" clan. If you don't like sports, if you don't accept his challenges, you are one of "them." The lines are clear with him. There is no gray, only black or white, only with him or against him.

He spews this your team/my team attitude, mostly under the guise of good clean fun, but always while in close proximity to some piece of media that exclaims "one love" or "one world." Never does he recognize the contradiction. It's difficult to call him a hypocrite, because he's unaware of what he's doing. He wants to believe that a world can be at one with each other, but he loves sports too much to look deeply at how fully it contradicts the very message of unity that his bumper stickers and occasional t-shirts espouse.

His favorite sport makes this contradiction all the more stark. He's always ready for some football. The months between the Pro Bowl and preseason play make life seem less vibrant, less worthy of his exhilaration. There's no strife, no division to spur on any excitement. Sure, there's baseball, but that sport's so dull and so devoid of any hard-hitting action that the very notion of its existence seems ludicrous to him. He needs it brutal. NASCAR fills that void on occasion, when the driving results in some nasty pile ups. Still, it's not the same. He needs something reminiscent of battle, and football fulfills his need without fail.

For him, nothing quite beats jumping up and down screaming at the altar of his television. His tie-dye Bob Marley tapestry sprawled wide as a backdrop with the words "One Love" beaming down upon the clash of helmets and grunts.

Brontë - Is It "tee" or "tay"?

2010-11-10T16:28:00.000-08:00

A couple months ago, I started to work as an audio proofer at Blackstone Audio. As a writer, this gives me an unparallel opportunity to do the one thing that all writers should do aplenty: Read, read, read.

When I proof a book, it's my job to not only ensure that words are pronounced correctly, but to back up the narrator's pronunciation if an alternative exists.

I've already missed some mispronounced words because of imperfections in my own pronunciation lexicon. So if a word, especially a name, causes me to pause, I look it up. Even if I'm pretty certain it's right.

Currently I'm proofing a book on writers who were hypochondriacs. Among the writer's is Charlotte Brontë, author of Jane Eyre.

Today, I hit a snag. I couldn't find a source to back up the narrator's pronunciation of "Brontë" as "bron - tay." I knew it had to be an acceptable way to say her name. I'd heard it said that way many, many times and mostly from literature professors. Still, I couldn't find any online sources that cited that pronunciation.

They all pronounced it as "bron - tee."

Luckily, the head of the sound studio, the one to make these sorts of calls said it was definitely "bron - tay" and a fellow proofer backed him up.

Score! I could move on.

Still, I couldn't shake it. I needed to know why I could not find "tay" as a proper pronunciation. Was this a case of misinformation being propagated on the internet? I dug deeper.

As it turns out, "Brontë" may be pronounced as either "tee" or "tay," but "tay" is given as the secondary or alternative. Either is acceptable.

Here is the link to one of the reputable sources:
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/bronte

Some other social-based sources, like Answer.com, brought up a good reason as to why "tee" is the proper pronunciation. To paraphrase one post, think of the appearance of "ë" in names such as Chloë and Zoë. It's always "ee," never "ay."

Now, here's the interesting thing I observed. I checked the books we have in the audio proofing room and those that were published before 1984 cite the pronunciation as "tay," not "tee." However, those that were published after 1995 provided the "tee" first, "tay" second.

This has me wondering if the name was mispronounced for so many years until a reputable scholar came along and pointed out the fallacy (if indeed there ever was one), and now the big guys like Merriam-Websters have both rectified the error and compromised by allowing "tay" as an alternative.

There has to be an intriguing story behind this change. Does anyone know it?

Words Are Fun #10

2010-10-28T05:57:00.000-07:00

"Thin slice by thin slice"

My sons asked how I ended up eating so much of a bundt cake, and this is how I described how I had done so. The phrase might not "look" that fun, but it's hecka fun to say out loud.

3 Sure-fire Ways to Boost Your Political Profile

2010-10-17T10:40:00.000-07:00

With the final weeks of election season descending upon the US population, many voters might peruse the deluge of candidate literature making their way to mail boxes and think, "I'd do a better job than this guy/gal."

If this is you, then there are three tried-and-true things you might consider doing if you've never made a run for city council, county commissioner, mayor, and so on.

Go to Church

Although not stated as often as in the past, candidates who belong to large mainstream Christian churches often garner huge support from their fellow church-goers. The evangelism that is a huge aspect of Christianity in all its sects provides an obvious platform for "spreading the word" about a candidate seen as a good, G0d-fearing wo/man.

In the Pacific Northwest, candidates understand the importance of not stating any religious affiliation in their literature. It is, after all, the religious "None" zone capital of the world. However, churches provide an all-too important network for like-minded individuals.

If not already a church-goer, you're best bet is to go with a mainstream Christian church. Baptist, Catholic, Episcopalian, Protestant, even Fellowships are safe bets. Avoid anything considered fringe, like Islam, Buddhism, Neo-Pagan, and even Mormon (unless you live in a heavily Mormon region like Utah). Judaism is a gray area that is dependent on where you live.

Sit on a Board of Directors

Most non-profit organizations, such as YMCA and the United Way, provide opportunities for members of the community to serve as members on their boards of directors. The commitment is minimal. Most directors need invest only a mere 2 hours a month. The political points scored are insanely huge .

Coach a Teen Sports Team

Is there anyone more heroic in US culture as the person who coaches the high school sports team? Coach a winning season, and your political credentials skyrocket. After all, someone who can lead a team of teens to victory should effectively run a winning political office, right?

As with choosing which church to attend, candidates should pick only the most mainstream of sports to coach. Baseball, football, and basketball all present the greatest potential. Age is also a factor. While coaching Little League or Pop Warner football carries lots off political weight, coaching gymnastics or soccer at the YMCA presents almost no value to voters.

How will your resume look as you head off to start your run for office during the next round? Will you be able to check these three items off the list?

Author Note: I actually view these three credentials with cynicism and generally discount them as meaningless credentials. In my eyes, these are nothing more than empty political hooks. I am much more interested in hearing a candidate's clearly stated position and plan of action than what boards they've sat on or what baseball team they coached.

Why Hiring Mid-East Veterans Should be Approached with Caution

2010-10-10T10:32:00.000-07:00

As someone who has been the victim of police harassment many times throughout the years, every time based on my appearance, a very possible future has me concerned.

Police forces around the country will be filled over the next several years with veterans who should likely not fill such roles.

Veterans Usually Are Ideal Choices for Police Work

Before I begin to explain why I don't think that many vets should take on police roles, I want to clarify my position on the practice of hiring vets.

Anyone who has served in the military has the training required to serve in any police force:

They are trained in, at the very least, basic weapons handling, self-defense, and general hand-to-hand combat.
They understand how chains of command work and are well versed in the ways of authoritarian protocol and discipline.
They know how to wear and care for uniforms and how to maintain a professional appearance.
They understand the importance of memorizing and adhering to departmental/institutional regulations.

This saves any police force considerable amounts of funds in way of training, which means a major savings to the people who ultimately pay the police - us, the taxpaying populous.

The practice of hiring veterans first has been par for the course for generations and should likely remain the case.

The Dark Side of Police Work

There's one thing about all police that affects even the most generally civic-minded of them that is troublesome — the Us vs. Them mentality.

It's hard to blame police officers for developing this idea that everyone they pull over or approach is a possible danger to them or up to no good. It's also difficult to blame them for getting so calloused, as most people they confront generally give them attitude. I'm certainly no exception (then again, I had very good reason to be upset with the cops who stopped me for no good reasons at all).

What develops is this disconnect between an officer's true role in our communities — to serve and protect — and how they tend to behave — to seek out all wrong-doers and punish them to the full extent of the law.

There are many initiatives within certain communities across the country that are working to reshape their police force to roles of compassionate public servant, and many of those efforts are sponsored by sections of the police forces themselves. After all, most people don't enjoy being viewed as the bad guy, especially when they should ideally be viewed as the good guy.

Still, the modern police paradigm prevails: If you're not a cop (us), you're likely up to no good and possibly dangerous (them).

In the Middle East, All Others Are Suspect

I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying it must be to serve in a military role in Iraq or Afghanistan. Even the most routine of traffic stops or roadside inspections can mean loss of limbs, senses, or the end of your life.

Understandably so, military personnel rapidly develop an exceptionally strong "us vs. them" mentality. I certainly would.

What is more terrifying, though, are the exceptionally high numbers of civilian casualties. We're not talking about deaths as a result of getting caught in the crossfire (not to say those casualties don't exist). It's that anyone who is slightly suspect is often jailed, if they're lucky. So many others are just shot upon sight, or their hovels destroyed with enough fire power to sink a destroyer.

I honestly don't know which would be scarier, being a Middle Easterner or serving in the US military. At least if you're in the military, though, there'd be no doubt as to which "side" you serve.

Rampant Refusal to Diagnose Veterans with PTSD Is a Recipe for Abuse

It's now a well-known fact that the US military is notoriously refusing to diagnose soldiers with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). There are many reasons thrown around for why the military would choose to deny such diagnoses. The most obvious, of course, is that in reducing the diagnoses, the military reduces the long-term health costs related with treating these troops.

After WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam, cases of domestic violence began to soar. This is a clearly documented phenomenon. What wasn't documented, mostly due to the more doe-eyed hero-worshiping citizenry of those eras, was the prevalence of police abuse. Most of the accounts of police abuse came from marginalized groups like African Americans and hippies, so they were generally discounted.

The Possible Danger of Thousands of Vets Becoming Cops

One of the most in-demand occupations these days is in the field of police work. With unemployment rates soaring to record highs and tens of thousands of troops returning from lengthy deployments in the Middle East, thousands of these troops will end up working in some form of law enforcement or security roles.

Combine the prevalence of PTSD in troops with their hyper sense of "us vs. them" and unleash them on the American population, and we are facing a very real possibility of excruciatingly high levels of police abuse.

Intensified Psychological Pre-screening Should be Required

I truly hope my prediction is incorrect, and I definitely don't believe that all troops-gone-cop will inherently become abusive police officers.

However, the risk of this happening is very real. Unless police forces take pro-active steps to ensure that their officers will adhere to a "to serve and protect" mindset instead of a viciously "us vs. them" mentality, a spike in police abuse claims will occur. In beefing up the depth of the psychological evaluations that all police candidates must undergo before employment, police force administrators should be able to avoid such a negative development from arising.

In this era of social media, nothing will be more damaging to the role that a police force should serve than a vet-gone-cop who loses it with the wrong person around to record it. Such exposure is not only devastating to the reputation of the specific department, but to the taxpayer costs in lieu of legal fees.

Vernon Story Tweets - September 2010

2010-10-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Everyone in the room exchanged glances except for one woman in her late seventies. "I always thought that book was overhyped."

"Susan," another woman gasped. "How could you say that? I'm not a huge Kerouac fan, but I can appreciate its merits."

Susan shifted in her seat and gazed deep into the other woman's face. A hush consumed the room. "The book goes nowhere," she said. "You can sum the whole story up with 'man travels across country, gets bored, then travels back, then does it again'."

The man who leant Vernon "On the Road" exhaled deeply, falling back into his chair and slapping the tops of his thighs. "Read it again, Vernon. If you can't see what makes the book special by then, you're a lost cause."

"I read it four times," Vernon said with a tone of desperation. "It just makes me feel more depressed each time I read it."

"Four times," said the man. "Four times and you can't see what makes it brilliant?" His left eyebrow arched.

Vernon's face flushed crimson. "It felt like Sal never grew, just got increasingly restless and never found any satisfaction."

The man's arch stretched higher and a smirk peeled across his face. All but one of the others leaned forward in their seats. "Didn't he, though?" he said. "Think about it for a bit, Vern. What were his last thoughts? What epiphany did his travels elucidate?"

Vernon shrugged and said, "You mean all Sal's rambling about Dean Moriarty as though he were father to us, or should be?"

The man shook his head. "Nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old." His eyes were as wide as someone with Graves disease. The brawny woman beside him rolled his eyes and said, "Can we move on now?"

"Honestly, you two." The prim woman who typically moderated the critique period of the group scowled and crossed her arms. "This is a writers' group. Unless either of you can relate this to our own writings, please, let's discontinue this discussion."

The man smirked and ignored the others, handing Vernon the book. "Read it again. You'll understand in a few more readings." Begrudgingly, Vernon took the soon-to-be battered copy of "On the Road" and shoved it back in his bag.

"Vernon?" The prim woman asked. "Did you bring us something new to read for next time?"

* * *

"Nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody." The line reran through Vernon's mind like some tired old sitcom as he walked home.

The wind tore through his bones. He felt much older than his years, more forlorn than a man his age should feel. People scurried past him, their gazes cast forward with a determination that implied a clear destination. Vernon dragged one foot in front of the other, turning his head often to look around for something to inspire him, to give him hope.

As he eventually wandered back to his aunt's place, he threw his satchel on the coffee table and flopped down into the cozy couch pillows. He stared at the white of the spackled ceiling, its shadows stirring his imagination with intangible twinges of lament. A heavy sigh preceded the drooping of his eyes, which turned to slits that let in only enough light to blur the spackle to a gray mass.

"I could have written that book," he thought. "I should. I should write about my life. Yeah, right. Like anyone would read it."

A sudden thump followed by a flicking of sheets of papers jerked him upright. Vernon saw his manuscript scattered across the floor and groaned. He sighed again, bending over the disheveled pages. So many exotic words like hyperdrive, Pangalactic Confederation, and Xuluranctinik.

The Secret to Hyperlocal Publishing

2010-09-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

For the past few years, there's been a lot of rising hype about hyperlocal publishing.

As print media revenues decline, corporations and individuals alike scramble to make anything resembling profits in an otherwise dying industry. As they do, more and more have switched their business models to focus on, at least on the surface, going "hyperlocal."

I won't go into the details of what qualifies as hyperlocal, or the ways in which entities are reaching into the hyperlocal well. You can visit Wikipedia's entry as a starting point to learn more.

So, what is the secret to hyperlocal publishing? There is none.

That's right. There is no secret to hyperlocal publishing. If you use your blog to post about events, local personalities, or issues affecting your town, you're already a hyperlocal publisher. That is all there is to publishing hyperlocal content.

As long as your content is focused on your locality and is meant to serve the residents of your area of the world, you are a hyperlocal publisher. Save your money; don't buy the guides. You're already a hyperlocal publisher!

Words Are Fun #9

2010-09-06T15:08:00.000-07:00

Two "Sunshine" phrases that emerged from my mouth this last week that I thought were fun.

This is fun to say out loud:

"There's sometimes sunshine in the mornings."

This creates vivid imagery:

"Oh, Baylin, with your sunshiney hair and your freckled eye."

Vernon Story Tweets — July & August 2010

2010-09-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

Vernon's hand twitched, reminding him of the crumpled piece of paper the man had dropped during their collision on the street.

The man at the desk set his pen down, his eyes widening with a spark of fear. His entire posture shifted to one of defense. He lurched back and nearly fell out of his chair as Vernon propelled the fist clenching the paper toward him.

"You dropped this," said Vernon.

The man reached over his desk and cautiously pulled the crumbled sheet of paper from his hand. He stretched out the paper and ran it up and down along the edge of his desk, keeping his eye on Vernon all the while.

Sensing the man's discomfort, Vernon took some deep breaths and let his shoulders sag and his chest cave.

The man looked down at the words typed upon the sheet. The ink had begun to run from Vernon's sweating palms, but the man recognized the piece immediately and smiled with relief. "I can't even begin to express how glad I am that you returned this. Allen thanks you, too. I think this might be his only copy." The man's eyes drifted back to "I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by \ madness, starving hysterical naked,"

Vernon's hand moved to his jacket pocket, his thumb and forefinger gripped his beat-up copy of "On the Road." "Ever publish fiction?"

The man looked puzzled at how Vernon knew he was going to start publishing out of his bookstore. "How do you know that I publish at all? This is a bookstore, brother." The man straightened the papers before him.

Vernon's eyes darted to the stack of papers near the man and raised his eyebrows. "Looks like an edit in process to me."

"That's quite an assumption," said the man as he slid the stack onto his lap and out of Vernon's sight. The man's chest puffed slightly.

Vernon backed up and started to turn toward the nearest exit, then paused. He slowly pivoted back around to face the man who was now standing. "It's just -" He thumbed the book in his pocket, searching for the right words.

The man hovered on the edge of his seat, silent for a moment then asking, "Out with it, man! I haven't all day to watch you yammer."

Vernon's mouth opened and closed, his eyes bugged out from his skull. He glimpsed himself in the window and felt like an idiot.

"Fool," said the man. "Hit the road already." He shooed Vernon out as far as the door, eventually reaching around to turn the knob.

Vernon slammed the door closed and spun around to face the man, who jumped back with fists raised and ready to scrap. "Please," said Vernon. "I don't mean you any harm. It's just that I have a book that I'm pretty sure you’ll want to publish."

The man dropped his fist and said, "Why didn't you say so in the first place? You stoned, or something?"

"No," stammered Vernon. "Just nervous. I've already received so many rejections, and I've never spoken directly with a publisher."

The man chortled and said, "I'm barely a publisher as it is, and definitely not a publisher of note to date." He thrust his hand out to Vernon and said, "Lawrence Ferlinghetti, pleased to meet you Mr....?"

Vernon stammered once again, finally composing himself to say, "You can just call me Vernon. The pleasure's all mine."

"Well, Vernon, tell me about this great new novel of yours. Let me guess, it's the next great American novel, right?"

Vernon blushed and thought, ‘Would this be considered dramatic irony? Play it with humility, Vern.’ He cleared his throat and shook his hands before saying, "This book will come to define the next generation."

"Ho ho!" The man sounded almost Victorian British. "That's a bold assertion, Mr. Vernon. I'll be the judge of that. "Let's see that book of yours." Lawrence thrust out his hand again, this time waiting for Vernon's fictional manuscript.

Vernon started to reach for his beat-up copy of "On the Road," then caught himself. He slyly converted his reach into a chin stroke. "I don't have it with me," Vernon said. "I have to retrieve it from... from my parents' home in Delaware."

Lawrence guffawed. "How long you think it'll take for you to retrieve the manuscript? You going to have it mailed to you?"

Vernon panicked inside, a bead of sweat forming below his hairline. "Then you're interested in the book?"

"Yes, boy!" Lawrence snapped back so intensely that Vernon lurched toward the nearest exit. "Can you fetch it or not?"

"One week," Vernon told the man. "It should take me one week to travel back and forth between coasts. Is that okay?"

Lawrence smirked with contempt and said, "Take all the time you need." He then sat back at his desk and resumed his work. Vernon stared at the man for a moment, leaving only after Lawrence shot him an irritated look from below his brows.

* * *

About an hour had passed. The sun sat higher in the sky as he exited the bookstore, yet the gusty air chilled him more deeply. Vernon put his hand back in his jacket pocket and thumbed his well-worn, dog-eared copy of "On the Road."

'What did you just do, Vern?' He bit his lower lip to stop it from trembling. 'What did you do?' He sighed and eyed the street. "Guess I need to find a typewriter," he muttered. "Or at least, a ream of paper to transcribe this book onto."

CHAPTER 4
"Science fiction, Vern?" The rest of the writers group shot their own looks of disdain at Vernon, who blushed crimson.

"It's what I like to write," Vernon squeaked. "It's what I know."

"What?" A robust woman in her forties shook her head. "Sci-fi, fantasy...? It's all so contrived. Nobody 'knows' those worlds."

Vernon hung his head and twisted his left foot. His gut tumbled as all eyes glared at him in demand for an explanation. Hours and hours of shows like Stargate, Star Trek, heck, anything with "Star" in its title swirled through his head. 'It is what I know,' Vernon thought. 'It is what I know.'

"Vernon," said a man with long, twisted goatee. "Don't sweat it. You just need to read a wider variety of books." The man reached in his satchel, pulled out a thin, worn book and tossed it at Vernon, who failed to catch it. The book title beamed at him: "On the Road." The man said, "Now Jack Kerouac, there's a man who knew how to write what he knew."

Vernon picked up the beat paperback and shoved it in his bag without another look. "I've heard of it," he told the man who gave it to him.

The man squinched at him and said, "Don't borrow it if you don't plan to read it."

Vernon assured him that he'd start tonight.

Later that night, Vernon found it tough to move past the first few chapters of "On the Road" but managed to finish it before dawn. That was the first time he uttered the phrase that would come to define his cynical outlook on publishing: "I could have written that."

He read "On the Road" three more times before his writing group next met. "I just don't see why it's considered 'great'." Vernon used air quotation marks to emphasis the word great, and everyone in the group rolled their eyes at him.

"Vern," the guy who leant him Kerouac's seminal work leaned forward. "Can't you see how simple the style is? ‘On the Road' defined an entire generation, gave it a voice that it lacked, signaled an end to Bourgeois writing."

Vernon sighed and sagged. "Frankly, I found the story depressing. It didn't inspire me at all."

Services That Come with a Free Lecture

2010-08-24T14:56:00.000-07:00

Most industries provide some unexpected services. Three such types of industry include haircuts, bicycle repair and auto repair. Whenever you utilize any of these three professionals, you can bank on receiving a lecture.

Lectures from the Stylist
"Who cut your hair last?" says the woman wielding a set of shears near your ears.

It doesn't really matter how you answer the question, the response you receive will always come in the form of a lecture about how you should only allow a professional near your head. What happens if you inform the stylist currently hovering about your locks that your last cut came from her? Well, you must have seen someone else in-between your cuts with her, because she would never cut your hair that poorly.

"What shampoo and conditioner are using?" That's another common lecture-inducing question. The only way to shut the stylist up is to agree to buy the insanely priced hair products she recommends.

Lectures from the Bicycle Mechanic
"Where did you buy this bike, and how much did you spend on it?"

Ever take that bike you bought for $150 from the closest chain box store (Walmart, Target, et al) in to your local bike shop for a tune up or repair? Then you likely received a long talk about how cheap bikes equal cheap parts equal frequent repairs, or worse, injuries.

In all likelihood, you rode that bike for a few years before it needed anything in lieu of repairs. Still, the repair person will invariably spend more time lecturing you on how you need to spend at least $1000 on a bike than actually repairing the one you brought in to get fixed.

Lectures from the Auto Mechanic
The types of questions auto mechanics unleash depend on your vehicle's condition, as well as make and model and age.

Here's the thing about auto mechanics: You will always receive a lecture, no matter how excellent your car is:

If your car is old, you'll be lectured on how you should consider scrapping it.
If your car is moderately new, you'll be lectured for having not opted for a particular upsell, or if you did opt for the upsell, you'll be lectured for having idiotically chosen to accept the upsell.
If your car is new, you'll be lectured on the oil weight or brand of parts that you use.
If your car is new, you'll be lectured on how you should have bought another make or model.

More than any other industry professional, the auto mechanic is the most brash with his lectures. He's not afraid to unleash a battery of insulting remarks meant to make you feel as stupid as possible. Think going to see the dentist is bad?

What to Do if You Get Lectured
You don't have to listen to anyone lecture you in the service industry. Too often, people in service industries forget that you are the boss. Without you, they have no source of income. They need to show you some respect, and not assume that you want them to browbeat you.

Of course, if the professional is someone who's service you prefer, you might want to keep your frustration with their proselytizing quiet. Instead, try sighing deeply and tell them, "You do great work and I appreciate what you're telling me, but you're stressing me out."

I Don't Always "Like" Facebook Updates that I Like

2010-08-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

I also don't comment, every time I'd like. I would love to show support for some of the posts I read, but opt not to take any action. Why not?

The onslaught of comments and Likes that follow overwhelms me.

There's really not much more to it than that. When it comes to family members and friends with limited numbers of other active friends on Facebook, I will Like and comment without hesitation. Concerning fan pages like Tillamook Cheese or The Big Lebowski... Well, those are a different beast altogether.

Any post made on a personal or fan page with over 1,000 friends or fans is bound to garner a large number of Likes and comments. Like or comment on the update earlier than most, and you are guaranteed to receive a tsunami of notifications.

There must be some way to control whether you receive notifications for specific posts.

I'll work on figuring it out. It's my mission to find out. After all, I don't just Like any old musician, institution, album, product... If there is a way to Like or comment without receiving a billion notifications, I'll update this post to include the instructions.

Words Are Fun #8

2010-08-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

something on the Wii.
- My son Baylin stating what he would like to watch. Say it out loud to feel how fun it is to say.

Vernon Story Tweets - May & June 2010

2010-07-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

Looks like I totally spaced May's Vernon Tweets, so here's a two-fer:

Vernon had spent a total of six months living on his own in the past couple decades since graduating high school. His mom had kicked him out shortly after he graduated college, when it was apparent that Vernon wasn't looking for work. That's when his aunt invited him to stay with her. She thought he should pursue a career as a not-so-starving artist.

"I'm not sure I want to even try to write," Vernon told his aunt. "It's too competitive. Everything's been written already."

"See," my aunt said. "You're already writing. You're terrific at making excuses. Get 'em down on paper, nephew."

Vernon balked. "Aunt Joanie, nobody writes on paper anymore. This is the end of the twentieth century. Get with the times."

"Get with the times?" she said. "If you mean sponging off your relatives while you play around on the computer all day, no thanks."

Shortly after, his Aunt Joanie started to leave the classifieds and a pen lying around in strategic locations.

* * *

"Why do you want to work for Ubermarket, Vernon?"

He fumbled with his fingers. Only his aunt's face appeared as a possible answer. "It definitely has to be the opportunity to set daily goals and accomplish them," said Vernon.

The interviewer's face lit up. "What experience do you have with telemarketing?"

Vernon replied, "Only when they call my house."

"Excellent!" The interviewer made an exaggerated check mark on his interview sheet. Vernon did his best to hide his confusion. "So," the man said as he jutted out his jaw. "When do you want to start?"

Vernon's gut twirled and he sighed, "Tomorrow?"

The interviewer launched his hand out to Vernon and said, "You start at 8:00. Don't be late."

* * *

His aunt slept as he stepped out to the street, the lunch she had made him the night before clutched in his palm.

Orientation wasn't supposed to take all that long. That's what the interviewer told him. A guy near the office had chuckled. The door to the orientation room was exactly six steps from the entrance to the office space. A permanent sign diffused his confidence.

Three hours later, Vernon felt more tired than when he started. As he emerged from the room, the guy near the office chuckled louder. The whole orientation could have lasted 15, maybe 30 minutes tops. 'How long does it take to learn how to use a headset and program?' Aside from the technical aspects, his job responsibilities were best summed up as, "Make the call. Follow the script. Make the sale."

'Oh well,' thought Vernon. 'At least it was three hours of pay.' He followed his new boss to the cubicle he'd grow to detest.

With his tie slightly loosened and cocked to the right, his boss said, "I'd sanitize the handset before you use it."

As Vernon took a seat at his cubicle, he sighed. The other agents droned into their headsets, vacant stares in all their eyes. 'It's going to be okay, Vern.' For the next few minutes, he sat and glared at the monitor with his fingers poised to type.

"Woohoo!"

Vernon jumped at the sound of the guy two stalls down declaring a sale before running down the aisle for high fives. Within 15 minutes, someone else sounded off their success. Vernon had yet to make a single call, let alone make a sale.

An hour passed before Vernon managed to get an actual person on the line, only to have the recipient slam the phone down on him. The next time he got through, a lonely and presumably old woman started to sob on about how much she missed her sons.

After consoling the woman for a solid twenty minutes, Vernon sensed someone looming behind him. He turned to find his boss scowling and arms crossed. The man pointed to the sign and used his finger to underline "Follow the script." The squat man in the loud tie continued to hover over Vernon. His fingers shook as he reached to make the next call.

"Good evening sir. I'm calling tonight to share an exciting offer from Vitoptimum with you."

The man stood firm behind him.

Click.

Vernon turned to his boss, who smiled. "Sorry. They hung up on me."

His boss smiled in an unexpectedly warm way, then patted Vernon's back. "No worries. Just keep trying. You'll make a sale." The man jerked round and sauntered down the aisle eavesdropping in on the other agents, occasionally stopping to provide direction.

From that point on, Vernon always stuck to the script. It didn't seem to help though; it took a week before he made his first sale. After awhile, Vernon grew numb to the constant rejection. Most of the time, it took him nearly a 100 dials before he spoke to anyone. He was called all manner of obscenities. If most had it right, Vernon and his entire ilk were the worst of the worst.

* * *

"How was work today?" asked Vernon's aunt when he collapsed into the couch. He stared back with glazed eyes and shallow breath. "That good, huh? Well, you got to make a living somehow, right?" Vernon rolled his eyes toward his computer and sighed.

'Something has to happen,' Vernon thought, 'Something exciting, or this whole story that is my life is going nowhere.'

CHAPTER 3
Beneath the slim smear of grime, a glow emanated from the City Lights Bookstore door window. The wind picked up and rattled the door.

Vernon looked up and down the street again. 'Nope,' he thought. 'Nothing's different. They all still look like they're stuck in 1950.' He rubbed his eyes, gave his surrounding one last look, took a deep breath, then turned the door knob to the infamous bookstore.

All around were books, some ramshackled others sparkling new, lining the simple wooden shelves. It took Vernon by surprise. The smell of fresh ink and musty pages mingled in his nostrils with the smell of over-boiled coffee grounds.

Someone shuffled pages from behind one of the racks, rose to their feet and cleared their throat before rounding the end of the shelves. It was the man he ran into on the street. He had combed his hair down, cleaned his glasses and tucked in his button down shirt. He also wore the uniform of those in the literati: a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows. His coffee mug steamed with weak coffee and copious amounts of dry creamer. He cleared his throat and began to speak. "Have any questions? Speak up if you do. I'm working back here." He turned and rounded the shelves. The sound of scribbling ensued.

Vernon rose his hand slightly and began to gape like a fish out of water. He tried to speak, but nothing would come. He rubbed his eyes, took a gander around and found that nothing changed. 'Should I pinch myself, or would that be too cliché?'

"Too cliché," he muttered.

The scratch of writing ceased and the man in the back said, "What's that?"

"Um..." Vernon searched for the right words but found none. "Nothing." He walked toward where the man sat, and then loomed there.

The man at the desk tapped his pen, staring at Vernon and waiting for him to say something, anything at all.
Vernon Story Tweets - May & June 2010
Looks like I totally spaced May's Vernon Tweets, so here's a two-fer:

Vernon had spent a total of six months living on his own in the past couple decades since graduating high school. His mom had kicked him out shortly after he graduated college, when it was apparent that Vernon wasn't looking for work. That's when his aunt invited him to stay with her. She thought he should pursue a career as a not-so-starving artist.

"I'm not sure I want to even try to write," Vernon told his aunt. "It's too competitive. Everything's been written already."

"See," my aunt said. "You're already writing. You're terrific at making excuses. Get 'em down on paper, nephew."

Vernon balked. "Aunt Joanie, nobody writes on paper anymore. This is the end of the twentieth century. Get with the times."

"Get with the times?" she said. "If you mean sponging off your relatives while you play around on the computer all day, no thanks."

Shortly after, his Aunt Joanie started to leave the classifieds and a pen lying around in strategic locations.

* * *

"Why do you want to work for Ubermarket, Vernon?"

He fumbled with his fingers. Only his aunt's face appeared as a possible answer. "It definitely has to be the opportunity to set daily goals and accomplish them," said Vernon.

The interviewer's face lit up. "What experience do you have with telemarketing?"

Vernon replied, "Only when they call my house."

"Excellent!" The interviewer made an exaggerated check mark on his interview sheet. Vernon did his best to hide his confusion. "So," the man said as he jutted out his jaw. "When do you want to start?"

Vernon's gut twirled and he sighed, "Tomorrow?"

The interviewer launched his hand out to Vernon and said, "You start at 8:00. Don't be late."

* * *

His aunt slept as he stepped out to the street, the lunch she had made him the night before clutched in his palm.

Orientation wasn't supposed to take all that long. That's what the interviewer told him. A guy near the office had chuckled. The door to the orientation room was exactly six steps from the entrance to the office space. A permanent sign diffused his confidence.

Three hours later, Vernon felt more tired than when he started. As he emerged from the room, the guy near the office chuckled louder. The whole orientation could have lasted 15, maybe 30 minutes tops. 'How long does it take to learn how to use a headset and program?' Aside from the technical aspects, his job responsibilities were best summed up as, "Make the call. Follow the script. Make the sale."

'Oh well,' thought Vernon. 'At least it was three hours of pay.' He followed his new boss to the cubicle he'd grow to detest.

With his tie slightly loosened and cocked to the right, his boss said, "I'd sanitize the handset before you use it."

As Vernon took a seat at his cubicle, he sighed. The other agents droned into their headsets, vacant stares in all their eyes. 'It's going to be okay, Vern.' For the next few minutes, he sat and glared at the monitor with his fingers poised to type.

"Woohoo!"

Vernon jumped at the sound of the guy two stalls down declaring a sale before running down the aisle for high fives. Within 15 minutes, someone else sounded off their success. Vernon had yet to make a single call, let alone make a sale.

An hour passed before Vernon managed to get an actual person on the line, only to have the recipient slam the phone down on him. The next time he got through, a lonely and presumably old woman started to sob on about how much she missed her sons.

After consoling the woman for a solid twenty minutes, Vernon sensed someone looming behind him. He turned to find his boss scowling and arms crossed. The man pointed to the sign and used his finger to underline "Follow the script." The squat man in the loud tie continued to hover over Vernon. His fingers shook as he reached to make the next call.

"Good evening sir. I'm calling tonight to share an exciting offer from Vitoptimum with you."

The man stood firm behind him.

Click.

Vernon turned to his boss, who smiled. "Sorry. They hung up on me."

His boss smiled in an unexpectedly warm way, then patted Vernon's back. "No worries. Just keep trying. You'll make a sale." The man jerked round and sauntered down the aisle eavesdropping in on the other agents, occasionally stopping to provide direction.

From that point on, Vernon always stuck to the script. It didn't seem to help though; it took a week before he made his first sale. After awhile, Vernon grew numb to the constant rejection. Most of the time, it took him nearly a 100 dials before he spoke to anyone. He was called all manner of obscenities. If most had it right, Vernon and his entire ilk were the worst of the worst.

* * *

"How was work today?" asked Vernon's aunt when he collapsed into the couch. He stared back with glazed eyes and shallow breath. "That good, huh? Well, you got to make a living somehow, right?" Vernon rolled his eyes toward his computer and sighed.

'Something has to happen,' Vernon thought, 'Something exciting, or this whole story that is my life is going nowhere.'

CHAPTER 3
Beneath the slim smear of grime, a glow emanated from the City Lights Bookstore door window. The wind picked up and rattled the door.

Vernon looked up and down the street again. 'Nope,' he thought. 'Nothing's different. They all still look like they're stuck in 1950.' He rubbed his eyes, gave his surrounding one last look, took a deep breath, then turned the door knob to the infamous bookstore.

All around were books, some ramshackled others sparkling new, lining the simple wooden shelves. It took Vernon by surprise. The smell of fresh ink and musty pages mingled in his nostrils with the smell of over-boiled coffee grounds.

Someone shuffled pages from behind one of the racks, rose to their feet and cleared their throat before rounding the end of the shelves. It was the man he ran into on the street. He had combed his hair down, cleaned his glasses and tucked in his button down shirt. He also wore the uniform of those in the literati: a tweed jacket with patches on the elbows. His coffee mug steamed with weak coffee and copious amounts of dry creamer. He cleared his throat and began to speak. "Have any questions? Speak up if you do. I'm working back here." He turned and rounded the shelves. The sound of scribbling ensued.

Vernon rose his hand slightly and began to gape like a fish out of water. He tried to speak, but nothing would come. He rubbed his eyes, took a gander around and found that nothing changed. 'Should I pinch myself, or would that be too cliché?'

"Too cliché," he muttered.

The scratch of writing ceased and the man in the back said, "What's that?"

"Um..." Vernon searched for the right words but found none. "Nothing." He walked toward where the man sat, and then loomed there.

The man at the desk tapped his pen, staring at Vernon and waiting for him to say something, anything at all.

A Random Quote #3

2010-06-02T09:05:00.001-07:00

"Without a healthy infusion of skepticism and scrutiny, an open mind is not possible." - anonymous

Vernon Story Tweets - April 2010

2010-05-15T15:08:00.000-07:00

Despite advice found in every issue of "Writers Digest," Vernon had come to recognize no one gets published without connections. New York was too big, his neighborhood too buried, for him to garner any meaningful connections with publishers. Besides, New York publishers didn't really appreciate his experimental form of prose. Heck, no one really cared for it.

That wasn't exactly true. An agent from San Fransisco had fawned over Vernon's submission during a recent author conference.

* * *

"It's about time someone had some guts," said the agent from the writers' conference. "And it's even readable." The man gritted his teeth as he read through Vernon's brief manuscript. At best, it was a novella. The man's legged twitched. "Yes, yes, yes!" The people in line at the Harper-Collins table lurched in sync as the small press agent burst out with approval. "Let me take this back to my boss," the agent said. "It's exactly the kind of experimentation he loves."

Vernon bit his bottom lip and wished he had spent the money to print up a copy of his manuscript. "But that's my only copy."

"Well," said the hirsute agent. "When you're ready to get serious about publishing give me a call." He handed Vernon his card with the manuscript. The paper was bare, except for the man's name, phone number, and email.

"Where are you located?" The agent didn't hear him at first; he was too busy shaking his head at the authors in the Haper-Collins line. "Excuse me," Vernon spoke a little louder.

The agent turned and said, "Made a copy of your manuscript already?"

Vernon blushed and stammered over the restatement of his request.

"San Fran, baby!" The agent swiped his finger across his nose.

Vernon thanked him and wandered down the aisle, winding his way around lines of would-be authors queued up at the major houses.

* * *

The subway all but emptied after the first stop. Vernon had found a paper clip and attached the agent's card to his manuscript. 'Experimental?' He stared at the ream of paper awhile, then let an all-too audible groan. 'I wasn't going for experimental. Come on, vern. Put this in perspective. He liked it. He really liked it. No one's told you they liked your writing before.'

He looked up, scanning the remaining people in the car. One woman fiddled incessantly with her iPhone while a vagrant watched her. Two seats down, a man read a paperback novel that looked as though it once resided in some back alley gutter. Vernon returned his gaze to the business card on his manuscript. 'How different could San Fran be from the Big Apple?'

The subway screeched to a stop with more urgency than normal. The woman dropped her iPhone, but the vagrant caught it before it hit the floor. The woman looked terrified, unsure if she should reach out for her gadget or write it off as lost. The bum extended the phone back out to her.

The guy two seats down watched the whole scene go down, his brows furrowed mostly at the woman now cuddling her phone.

Vernon went back to the card and his work. "How different, indeed," he mumbled making the woman squirm even more than before.

* * *

Standing at the threshold of his mom's abandoned apartment, Vernon scanned for anything he might have left behind. His pillow and blanket lay crumpled in soft rolling hills beside the deep indents where the couch used to rest. The pillow was new, full, plump. His aunt gave it to him for Christmas. His mom scowled at the gift.

His Aunt Joanie had kicked him out a couple years back and enjoyed not-so-subtly razzing her sister for taking in Vernon.

Vernon Story Tweets - March 2010

2010-03-31T15:27:00.000-07:00

He rolled his eyes, sighed, leaned back and grabbed the hair near his temples. "I won't publish anytime soon if you keep hounding me." Vernon looked to the clock, dropped his hands, slammed his laptop shut and dashed for the door. Editing awaited.

"Vernon!" His mother yelled after him as he dashed out the door. "Vernon, remember today's the day."

* * *

The wind whipped his cheeks even harder as the city bus flew past him. Again, he'd missed the bus and would have to run to work. 'So much for a raise,' Vernon thought as droplets of sweat rolled down the nape of his neck and chilled his back.

He slipped through the warehouse doors, up through the stairwell past the smoking warehouse supervisor and into his chilled chair. His monitor crackled to life as he flicked the mouse. His eyes probed over the cubicle. John, his manager, was nowhere in sight. "All clear." Vernon sighed as he relaxed back into his chair.

"What's all clear?" The sound of his boss behind him made him lurch. "Got something for you, Vern." The smirk on the clean-shaven, slick-haired man with the steaming coffee cup made him squirm.

Vernon's chair squeaked as he turned to face his boss. He wondered if his boss noticed his legs quaking with anticipation and trepidation.

The man with the mug reached inside his shirt pocket and pulled out an official looking envelope and placed it in Vernon's shaking hands. "Congratulations," said his boss before walking back to his corner office. Vernon watched the man's chuckling back walk away.

Vernon held the envelope, too afraid his raise request was rejected. But his boss had congratulated him, hadn't he? He fumbled to open the envelope, finally ripping one end open. The meat of the document within was torn and pink.

* * *

The letter said he had until the end of the day to vacate his cubicle, but he didn't need that much time to pack up his meager items. He had plenty of time to catch the bus back to his mom's house but opted to walk instead. 'Delaying the inevitable,' he thought.

As he passed the welfare office, he had to step into the street to get around the crowd of people clustered around the block. A cab squealed up beside Vernon and rolled down his window. "Need a ride buddy?" With a whopping $3 in his wallet, Vernon declined.

Five steps from his mom's front door, thunder rolled and the sudden deluge of rain soaked him to the bone before he entered the house. Vernon turned his eyes to the sky and thought, 'Why must my entire life be such a cliche?' He turned the knob only to find it locked.

Even with the deafening patter of rain, passers-by were startled by his deep groan. Some kid asked his mom, "Is he right in the head?"

He sighed and lifted the sopping wet doormat, searching for the spare key. It was gone, but a soaked envelope awaited him. The heavy pen lines had started to run, but Vernon could make out the message well enough: "The back door's unlocked." There really was no back door at his mom's place. What she meant was that the window around back was unlocked.

Vernon managed to climb the fire escape to the apartment's window that overlooked the grimy alley. As promised, it opened. As he stumbled through the window, he noticed that the apartment was virtually empty. Within a few short hours, his mom had moved out. His room was untouched and a few kitchen and bathroom items littered the rest of the apartment. Another letter waited for him.

Dear Vern,
I'm sick of harping on you and hoping you will get your life in order. I'm tired of you relying on me to take care of you. It's time for my little boy to grow up. You can keep this place if you can afford the rent, but let's face it, you can't.

When you get your shit together and find a permanent place to live, let your Aunt Joanie know and I'll be in touch.
Love,
Mom

New York was no place to try and make it on your own. Now that his mom had moved out, the landlord was sure to raise the rent. People in the Midwest bought mansions with mortgages that compared to this roach-infested two-bedroom flat. How could he afford it? 'Besides,' thought Vernon, 'How much chance do I really stand in New York? I need to switch coasts, need to get out West."

Vernon Story Tweets - February 2010

2010-03-09T16:57:00.000-08:00

He took two slow steps back from Vernon and jerked his head at the door. Vernon took the man's signal, unlocked the door and left. Vernon walked backwards, his eyes peeled on the door, which slammed shut as he felt the top of the stairs. His eyes darted up and down the hall. A trace of the burning smoke fumes wafted toward him but dispersed before reaching him. He glanced down the stairs and took one step down. With one eye on the rising hallway and the other down, Vernon made his descent.

The lobby was much smaller than he remembered. As he reached for the knob, someone burst through the door. A bespectacled man pinned Vernon to the hallway wall with the door. The man's eyes widened and seem to mumble in apology. The shocks of his curly hair looked pronounced thanks to his receding hairline. His eyes darted toward the stairs and his legs followed. There was something awfully familiar about the harried man. The swish of his denim trailed the clomping of his boots up the dark stairs.

The door swung shut as Vernon jumped clear of it. He reached out for the knob again, quicker and with more confidence this time. As he stepped out the door, a chilly San Francisco wind cut through Vernon's Van Heusen button down and the light blinded him.
Both sides of the street were scattered with men in business suits and fedoras, and a truck full of denim clad laborers.

"Must be making a movie," Vernon mumbled to himself.

He looked up and down the street but couldn't spot a single camera. The wind kicked up, and all the men on the street grabbed hold of their hats and turned down their heads. The few ladies in sight pressed their dresses against their legs. One woman stopped and shivered as the wind cut through her nylons.

Vernon spun round to escape to the apartment building's lobby and collided into the only guy who didn't seem to fit in the crowd. The man's shirt was wrinkled, not pressed like everyone else. His tweed jacket looked as though it had come from a pile on the floor.

The disheveled fellow dropped a pile of papers and they scattered to the wind. Vernon reached for the papers and managed to clutch one. The man rushed around grabbing at the flying papers, like some contestant in a wind chamber trying to harvest a flutter of dollar bills. As the man scurried desperately, Vernon uncrumpled the sheet balled in his fist and began to read.

'I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by / madness, starving hysterical naked.' Vernon's jaw dropped.

"Could it be?" Vernon looked at the paper again and each typed line only verified it.

The harried man snatched the paper from his hand. He flattened the stack of papers against his chest, gave the pile a good shake, then dashed down the sidewalk.Vernon took one glance at the apartment building, then chased after the man with Ginsberg's infamous manuscript.

As he rounded the street corner, Vernon managed to spot the man entering a doorway. He picked up his pace and gasped when he caught up. A makeshift sign hung on the nondescript door. It read "City Lights Bookstore."

Chapter 2

"You haven't published so much as a letter to the editor, Vern." A woman loomed over Vernon as he tapped away at his keyboard. He continued to peck away, one letter at a time. "Vernon! Don't ignore your mother when she's speaking to you."

What the Na'vi Could Learn from Jake Sully

2010-02-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

After Jake Sully completes his tests and becomes a man in the Omicataya tribe, he visits the trees of the ancestors with Netiriyi.

She tells him that now that he has become a man of "The People," he has the right to choose any tree from which to make his bow. Also, he may have his choice of any woman in the village.

Netiriyi, obviously suffering a heavy heart, names some of possible candidates that Jake might consider claiming as his mate.

After some playful jibing, Jake says, "I've already chosen, but she also needs to choose me."

Just as holds true on our own planet, no culture is perfect. No culture is rock solid noble and wise. The Na'vi may have been keyed into their planet, into their mother Eywa. But when it came to this practice of the Na'vi culture, it was obvious that women were considered secondary to men.

No one should be considered property that another can claim. This was perhaps the greatest lesson that the Na'vi could learn from Jake Sully.

Vernon Story Tweets – January 2010

2010-02-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

"I could've written that," Vernon thought as he closed Kerouac's "On the Road" and laid it on the side table. "Born in the wrong era." That's what he thought whenever he read anything written by the Beat writers.

For more than two decades, Vernon submitted short stories and novellas to publishers. He had the stack of rejection letters to prove it. It's not that he didn't enjoy the Beat writers. It's just that what they wrote was so simple, so direct, so fun.

Vernon sneered at his dog-eared copy of "On The Road." "Kerouac. He couldn't write his way out of a paper bag." He picked up the book in one hand and bowed it in the middle. "I was born in the wrong era."

A knock at the door startled Vernon. The pages of the book shuffled like a deck of cards before falling to the floor. He looked at the door as though it were a loaded gun pointed at his head. No one he knew ever visited him at his 12x12 studio. In San Francisco, you could never use enough caution when it came to answering your door. "Where's a peephole when you need one?"

The knock came again, a little louder this time. Vernon recoiled slightly, a sense of dread creeping up from his gut. "Who is it?" He heard no response and called out a little louder. Whoever stood on the other side of the door rapped harder and with more urgency.

Vernon moved to the door and pressed his ear against the flimsy wood. Cartoon noises resonated from someone's TV down the hall. The loudest knock yet boomed into his ear drum. He jumped back. His heart leapt. Stars ushered in a blinding whiteness. As the whiteness consumed him, Vernon saw his door burst open and a dark figure step through, reaching out for him.

* * *

"Ding ding. Ding ding." Vernon's eyes fluttered open. His apartment floorboards vibrated a little less as the trolley passed outside. Bright morning light filtered through his window, splashing across his eyes and obscuring his view. "How long have I been out?"

The lighting hinted at a morning hour. He blinked until his ceiling came into focus. Gone were the peeling flecks of paint. The slide-whistle call of someone slipping on a banana peel blasted through the wall, the same cartoon that was playing before his fall. The animated funnies now came from next door, the sounds of the program so clear Vernon felt like a blind man watching TV.

"What the hell you doing in here, boy?" The voice, a rich blend deep south and inner city Chicago, lunged at Vernon. A dark fist clutched his shirt and lifted him from the ground. A sweet burning scent danced over the hulking man's shoulders. "Don't make ax you again." The menace of the man's voice shook Vernon to his core.

Vernon stammered and looked around the room. His vision started to clear and all around him came into focus. The stranger pinned him against the wall by his throat. Vernon couldn't explain his presence even if knew.

The man's nostrils flared and his eyes opened wide. He released his grip on Vernon's neck and dashed for the black cloud of burned grits. Vernon grabbed the door handle, jerking the door open to make his great escape. He hadn't counted on the slide chain lock. Before he could slide the chain free, the angry man slammed him against the wall and stuck a blade in his face.

Then the angry contortions of the man's face twisted into that of confusion. He slowly turned his head toward, then back again. He squared his face with Vernon's, one eyebrow obtusely raised. They both turned their gaze back to the firmly locked slide chain.

The boi-oi-oing of someone stepping on a rake and getting smacked in the face came from the television next door. The man lowered the blade ever-so-slowly and loosened his grip on Vernon.

This is a monthly compilation of tweets posted throughout the month of January 2010. Want to read along? Follow me on Twitter @kylestich.

Introducing My Story Tweets

2010-02-08T13:46:00.000-08:00

On 1 January 2010, I began a new writing project via my Twitter account. Each day, I tweet one sentence, sometimes more depending on the length of the preceding sentence. Each sentence serves as the next line in an overall story.

My goal is to tweet once a day, every day for one year. In the end, I should end up with a complete story that is 40,000 - 50,000 words in length.

I've milled around this story for awhile. It is somewhat reminiscent of Kurt Vonnegut, in that there are sci-fi elements. Here's the basic storyline:

Feeling as though he were born fifty years too late, a desperate writer unwittingly travels back to the Beat Generation in an attempt to beat Jack Kerouac to the punch.

I have a four-part strategy to crafting and publishing this story:

Phase 1 - Tweet one sentence (or more if space affords it) per day.
Phase 2 - Compile and blog all my story-related tweets on my blog at the end of each month.
Phase 3 - Create a WebRing exclusive to the chapters of this story.
Phase 4 - Revise and then self-publish my tweets at the start of 2011.

My Challenge to You
I encourage each of you aspiring writers to follow suit and start tweeting out a story. If you've always wanted to write a novel, but never seem to find the time, Twitter is the answer. You merely need to type up to 140 characters a day, including spaces and punctuation.

Not a writer but want to read along? Follow me on Twitter @kylestich.

Does James Cameron Hold No Hope for Humanity?

2010-02-08T11:59:00.000-08:00

Before I begin, I have to state that I thoroughly enjoyed James Cameron's "Avatar." Still there were some things about the movie that bothered me. I recently posted my thoughts on the 2D version versus the 3D version that you can read here.

Nothing's Changed in 300 Years?
I, for one, would like to believe that we would have come much farther than how Cameron depicts us in his film. The year is 2154, but the corporation that is mining for unobtainium on Pandora acts pretty much like those who built the railroad or mined or staked claims on land long since occupied by Native Americans.

Today, such abhorrent activity would be staunchly opposed and blocked by activists. I see this as us evolving our cultural ethics as a whole. If in 150 years we've regressed to acting like our ancestors who lived 150 years ago, our future looks truly bleak.

In 2154, I highly doubt that we would behave in the manner in which Cameron depicts. And don't even get me started on the Marine mentality that is portrayed in this movie.

Nothing's Changed in 150 Years?
Something I disliked even more was how Cameron's team spent not one ounce of energy in updating or "futurizing" the products of our culture, aside from some of the technologies:

Clothes - Every item of clothing that the humans wear on Pandora is taken directly from our present day.
Hair styles - Every haircut is typical of the characters they belong to as they exist today.
Lingo - The military speak flat out ate at my every nerve. The lingo each generation of soldier uses changes. Any one of the lines that the marines in this movie spewed could be stripped out of any number of current military-based films.
Attitudes - From the golfball-putting corporate lack of concern to the scientists berating the mercenaries' lack of intelligence, the same divisiveness that exists between these sectors is firmly in place in "Avatar."
Technology - I'm not completely up-to-date on current military technologies, but most of the gear that the mercenaries don is taken straight out of our current military attire.

Cameron's Attempt to Avoid Alienation
One of the largest criticisms of sci-fi movies is how producers tend to don their characters in "futuristic" attire. The clothes come off as hoakey to most and often keep people from engaging the story.

The recently revisited "Battlestar Galactica" television series changed this long-running paradigm. At first, the way that so much of the attire and technologies matched those I could find in my own world held me back from appreciating the story. But, that's because I'm a major sci-fi fan who has come to expect producers to be more creative than that.

Over time, the lack of creativity on the BSG wardrobe department stopped bothering me, as the story drew me in. It also drew in many fans that wouldn't have existed, including a council of the United Nations. The lack of overly sci-fi elements like wardrobe, allowed the usually non-sci-fi set to more readily accept and appreciate the story.

Perhaps, James Cameron took a queue from the producers of BSG.

Avatar – 2D vs. 3D

2010-02-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday (6 February 2010), I finally broke down and spent the extra dollars and time to travel 3 towns over to watch the Real 3D version of James Cameron's "Avatar."

I thought that after two months in theaters that choosing to attend an 11:55 AM viewing would afford a relatively empty theater. Whenever a new hit movie comes out, I purposely avoid watching the film for a few weeks. Packed movie houses are no fun for me.

My sons and I arrived a full ½ hour early, only to step up to a long ticket line. After buying our tickets shortly before the show sold out, I surveyed the audience. Most of those in line and the audience did not look like the typical sci-fi going set.

I considered that the recently announced Oscar nominations were directly responsible for this resurgence in attendance. The confused look and desperate scrambling of the staff seemed to verify my suspicions.

As we walked into the theater, I was immediately discouraged to see that the only available seats were near the bottom. I considered asking for a refund and waiting another month but decided to tough it out.

With our Real 3D glasses in place, we were ready to see if the technology lived up to the hype.

Before I begin my review of the technology, two things:

I already viewed the 2D version when it first came out. Although I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, I didn't find it really offered anything unique or revolutionary to the sci-fi genre. Overall, I thought the dialogue was downright cliché and that world and creatures of Pandora still looked too animated for me to completely suspend disbelief.
I strongly believe that "Avatar" would have been all but ignored by the Academy had it not been produced by one of their darlings - James Cameron.

The First Ten Minutes Were the Most Painful
If I included the 3D movie trailers, this subheading should read "The First Fifteen Minutes." As I donned my glasses, my eyes went buggy. Instead of a clearly focused 3D experience, I felt immediate strain on my eyes and the images were in double vision around the periphery. It took about ten minutes into the movie before the double vision went away, but the eye strain remained.

Space Scenes Weren't Any More Impressive
As Jake Sully emerges from stasis, a few drops of condensation coalesce before my eyes. The stasis chamber was quite a 3D extravaganza (but my eyes still hadn't fully acclimated to the glasses).

The camera then pans out to reveal the ship on which Jake is traveling and Pandora with all its accompanying planets and moons. This was my first moment of feeling letdown by the hype. The entire space scene lacked any extra depth. It looked exactly the same as the 2D version.

Errors Were More Obvious in 3D
There were several incidences when I noticed glaring errors in the 3D version that I hadn't noticed in the 2D version. Most obvious is when a character's hand will move straight through another object, like the floating seed pods or plants.

Also a bit too obvious was the absence of movement of some plant life when others moved. For example, as Jake and Netiriyi are talking while walking on one of those mammoth tree limbs, the leaves are blowing in the breeze. The ferns and other vegetation near their feet, however, stand still.

The Loss of Scale
When the Omiticayan shaman fails to successfully transfer Grace's soul into her avatar, Jake's avatar holds the deceased doctor's hand. The Na'vi are a giant people, so Grace's hand looks like a toddler's when Jake holds it. Later in the movie, Netiriyi holds Jake's human body and he reaches up to touch her face. The difference between their hand sizes reduces greatly, his hand looking only slightly smaller than hers.

The Errors Were Forgivable
The thing that makes Cameron's attempt at improving the 3D experience is that the technicians put much more effort into how much detail they provided. Unlike the 3D experience of yesteryear that favored obvious objects (like traveling bullets and pointing fingers), Cameron's team gave most all objects the 3D treatment.

The amount of effort involved to pull this off is intense and costly, so I can forgive Cameron for the minor technical errors.

The Little Things Were the Most Impressive
I had anticipated much more focus on the objects used in the battle scenes. On that front, I was mildly unimpressed. The little things, though, were the best. In particular, rain drops, ash from fires and the floating seed pods were by far the most realistic, the most 3D. Several times, I wanted to brush away the ash cinders.

Real 3D Is Just One Step Closer to True 3D
Overall, the Real 3D technology is an improvement to the red-and-blue 3D that preceded it. However, it still missed the mark for me.

The strain on my eyes was even more pronounced than when I watch a red-and-blue format. In fact, one day later, my eyes are still sore. My sons didn't report any such strain, though, so it might just be me.

When it comes down to it, I don't think I'll ever truly be impressed by 3D technology until it no longer requires the use of special lenses. Only when holographic technologies have been perfected will 3D movies come to fully satisfy me. Although Real 3D is a cool experience, it is merely one more step toward a True 3D experience.

Overall, I feel that the 3D version of "Avatar" is more of a ticket price-raising gimmick. I do not feel the same as all my friends who stated that something must be lost in the 2D version. When it comes down to it, a movie's story must drive you, not the technology used to present it.

Would I recommend the 3D version over the 2D version? Sure, why not? It will only be in theaters for so long, so why not check it out and see if it lives up to the hype for yourself?

Hyperlocal Hero — Maya Seligman

2010-02-03T12:37:00.000-08:00

If you primarily listen to commercial radio stations, you're not likely tapping into a hyperlocal broadcast.

Public Radio has long provided quality shows that feature local figures, issues and entertainment. Still, the majority of programming heard on most Public Radio stations originate from distant locations.

Not exactly "pirate" radio, a few small stations continue to eek out enough funding and garner enough volunteers to bring exceptionally hyperlocal programming.

KSKQ-LP in Ashland, Oregon, is just such a station. Their tagline is: "Ashland, Oregon's Low-Powered Community Radio"

KSKQ's primary mission is to empower "community and strengthens local culture through inclusive programming by providing a forum for artistic expression and social issues."

Maya Seligman Empowers Her Listeners
One community member took up KSKQ's rallying cry and turned it up a notch. Throughout the week and during her show, DJ Maya Seligman invites her listeners to suggest the following week's theme.

Her themes have ranged from the color red to the word "you" to international cities. She primarily uses her page on KSKQ's site (http://www.kskq.org/maya/) and her Facebook page to communicate with her listeners and to take their suggestions.

Her show exemplifies how hyperlocalism works and how much more engaging hyperlocal coverage can be.

Her show, actually all programs on KSKQ, are funded solely by generous donations. Making profits is not the primary goal of this station or the DJs who volunteer their time.

KSKQ and Maya are creating hyperlocal content the right way, in an engaging manner that keeps listeners returning week after week.

Here's to my hyperlocal hero of the week - Maya Seligman!

To listen in to Maya's past and future broadcasts, visit http://www.kskq.org/maya/ New shows air from 2:00-3:00 PM (PST) every Friday.

If you live close enough, you can listen in during broadcast on 94.9 FM. Everyone, no matter where you may live, can listen in at http://www.kskq.org.

See also: "Variations on a theme"

What Is Ashland's Favorite Hyperlocal Paper?

2010-02-02T17:27:00.000-08:00

A few years back, I helped launch a hyperlocal publication. I left the venture due to some dramatic differences of opinion and refusal to take any further abuse from my supposed partner. Those days are long behind me, but I continue to stay apprised of the hyperlocal movement.

The concept of hyperlocalism thrills me to no end, and I'm surprised that more people have not jumped on the hyperlocal bandwagon.

What does "hyperlocal" mean?
Put simply, hyperlocal refers to an extremely narrow regional focus. Most often, hyperlocal refers to news coverage. It is the answer to the all-too-often broad and non-regional news coverage common to most "News at 11:00" broadcasts.

About the most hyperlocal you can get is your home. I posit that a yearly family newsletter sent to friends and family around the holidays presents the most hyperlocal of all news coverage.

More notably, though, is the creation of publications - in print and online - that focus coverage only on a specific region. Some exceptions might include stories about a local's travels abroad, like a hometown soldier fighting in the Middle East or a doctor who has traveled to Haiti to offer humanitarian aid.

The exploitation of "hyperlocal"
A few (e)books and a rising number of professional blogs relating to hyperlocal publications have hit the market over the past couple years. I have one overriding problem with most of what the self-appointed hyperlocal gurus have presented.

In an attempt to exploit a blossoming sector of content distribution and new media, the "experts" have subjugated the editorial aspect as the dead-last concern when launching a hyperlocal publication.

Many of the hyperlocal gurus see the rising interest in hyperlocalism as a way to make their fortune. The primary mission for these individuals is not to revolutionize and democratize mainstream media. Their mission is not really to provide the news that the other outfits ignore in favor of national and international coverage.

Their primary mission is to create and produce a publication that will generate money, lots and lots of money. Content is almost always secondary, if not tertiary or beyond.

That said, not all hyperlocal publishers are out to exploit hyperlocalism for their own financial gain. In Ashland, however, money is the primary goal of the hyperlocal publishers.

Ad rags do not constitute a hyperlocal publication.
When I helped launch the aforementioned hyperlocal publication, my "partner" and I wanted to provide a voice to the stories that were being neglected... or so I thought. It soon became apparent that my "partner" had a more greedy motive.

As the months passed, each issue grew to have a greater and greater ad:content ratio. By the time I declared an end to my collaboration, the ratio had ballooned to 70:30. This was a top complaint of ours about our top competitor. That competitor never claimed to be a hyperlocal paper, but that's essentially what they were.

I tried to express to my "partner" the importance of maintaining no greater than a 55:45 ratio. But, he said we had to pay the bills so I went with it until I could handle no more.

There were many other issues involved that led to my departure, but that's not the focus of this particular article.

Hyperlocal publications must provide hyperlocal coverage.
Getting back to the definition, hyperlocal news should provide an alternative to mainstream media, which routinely ignores small stories taking placing in local regions. Hyperlocal news should focus on the people around you, the people you see all the time. Hyperlocal readers want content!

Growing ever disappointed with the direction the publication I helped start has headed, I decided to hit the streets. I wanted to validate my feelings and to verify that I wasn't the only one who felt the way I did. What I discovered was intriguing...

The Survey
I spent a little time writing up a brief survey and stood in front of Shop-N-Kart and Albertson's until I had gathered 20 unique responses. Here's what I asked and the responses I received:

1. Are you familiar with the term "hyperlocal"?

38 out of 40 had no idea.
1 gave an incorrect answer.
1 gave an answer that was close enough to count.
I provided a definition to each person.

2. What is your favorite "hyperlocal" paper?

9 cited the "Ashland Daily Tidings"
7 cited the "Medford Mail Tribune"
6 cited "Rogue Valley Parenting"
4 cited "Sneak Preview"
3 cited "LocalsGuide"
2 cited "Sentient Times"
9 cited "none" or "other"

3. Which paper do you think provides the most "hyperlocal" coverage?

18 cited the "Ashland Daily Tidings" or the "Medford Mail Tribune"
6 cited "Sneak Preview"
2 cited "LocalsGuide"
14 cited "none" or "other"
4. Which do you like better: "Sneak Preview" or "LocalsGuide"?
7 cited "Sneak Preview" (5 at Shop-N-Kart and 2 at Albertson's)
6 cited "LocalsGuide" (3 at Shop-N-Kart and 3 at Albertson's)
27 cited "neither"

5. How long do you keep your copies of "Sneak Preview" and "LocalsGuide"?

11 cited "long enough to scan the articles"
5 cited "until the next one arrives"
18 cited "it goes straight into recycling/trash"
6 cited not receiving either in the mail.

6. How do you feel about receiving copies of these publications each month? (I did not count those who said they don't receive it.)

7 cited neutral feelings
3 cited monthly anticipation for their arrival
17 cited they wish they could opt out of receiving them each month
7 cited outrage over the monthly deliveries as tantamount to junk mail and/or (as one respondent put it) "an abysmal and irresponsible misuse of natural resources."

At the end of the survey, I opened things up for further elaboration on answers. Here's a summary of the points people raised:

LocalsGuide has a terrific look, much better than Sneak Preview.
LocalsGuide can be a lot more fun and "whimsical," but has lost some of its joy over the past few months.
Locals Guide seems to one-sided in the articles it prints. (One respondent said, "The stories are also so stereotypical of what people see as the 'Ashland' type. It's too foo-foo.")

Sneak Preview has always felt like one giant advertorial.
Sneak Preview has gotten better at presenting the top issues facing our community.
Sneak Preview seems to be one-sided in the views and commentary it presents. (One respondent said, "They are way too conservative for a town like Ashland.")

The one thing most people stated was that both publications have way too many ads.

Perhaps the most damning sentiment that I received from respondents was when I asked them where they were most likely to look for local news. Other than "online," it was a tie between the Ashland Daily Tidings and Medford Mail Tribune. Only two people cited Sneak Preview as a good place to read commentary about one big issue facing the community and not one person cited LocalsGuide as a source for local news.

What makes those responses so damning? The editors of both Sneak Preview and LocalsGuide consistently attack the mainstream papers (Tidings and Mail Tribune) as not providing the type of coverage people want.

I need to point out that most of the people who cited the Tidings and Mail Tribune were not actually satisfied with the coverage those papers provide. "But," as one respondent said, "It's as good as it gets for this little town."

A Message for All Aspiring Hyperlocal Publishers
Readers want hyperlocal, relevant, and engaging content. They can see right through any attempts to cram ads down their throats. If you can't maintain a maximum of 50:50 ad:content ratio, don't even consider starting a hyperlocal publication or consider scaling back your ambitions.

To gain loyal and eager readers, you must give them what they want - great content!

Sci-Fi Is Crucial to Our Salvation

2010-01-12T22:31:00.000-08:00

"Science Fiction is an existential metaphor that allows us to express the human condition. Isaac Asimov once said, 'Individual Science Fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinder critics and philosophers of today, but the core of Science Fiction, its essence, has become crucial to our salvation if we are to be saved at all.'"
— Herbert Duncanson as Grell the robot in a mock post-show interview conducted on the set of "Wormhole X-Treme!," a show within a show on the episode "200" of "Stargate: SG-1" Season 10.

Contact RogueWriter

2009-12-25T12:40:00.001-08:00

You can also contact me at Wufoo!

NaNoWriMo - I Did It!

2009-11-29T13:48:00.000-08:00

I reached and exceeded my word count for NaNoWriMo! I hit the 51,612th word this afternoon, one day before the end of November.

I am now left with a thinly fictionalized memoir that is in deep need of multiple revisions, followed by excessive proofing.

Most of what I wrote is abysmal. I decided from the start that I must allow myself to let it flow. I even laid off my internal editor for the entire month of November. He's glad not to have to look at what I wrote. He took a sneak peak about mid-month and started screaming at me about relevancy and deeper meaning. That got him locked out for the duration of the month.

All in all, NaNoWriMo left me with the following lessons:

It's always best to write from the cuff if you hope to meet a predetermined word count goal by the time the deadline rolls around.
It's not so hard to write a memoir. I rarely got hung up on details and story ideas, as I was pulling from personal experience.
50,000 words isn't actually that much. It's a little over 110 pages in MS Word.
To achieve a goal, it works best when you set a deadline.

Now I'm going to let this novel percolate for awhile. I am considering turning it into a series with much more fictionalization of the characters involved. But, that will come later.

For now, there's an erotic fiction writing contest that I have been inspired to participate in. The word count is only 3000-5000 words. Suddenly, that many words seems like it would be a cinch to write.

Town Bans All Peach Pictures

2009-10-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

The mayor and City Council of Sweethome, Alabama, held an emergency session this week. The topic on hand was any form of advertising that includes an illustrated peach. Town officials claim that advertisers intentionally use sexually charged angles and exaggeration of the fruit's signature crack to sell more product.

In his formal statement, Mayor Joe "The Evangelist" Jones said, "This is a wholesome town, an All-American God-fearing town. We won't stand by as companies slyly try to use sex to sell their wares."

Advertisers are up in arms over the claims. Most of the brands with the offending images are from major distributors. They explain that the images are drawn in ways that will automatically register as a peach, not in ways that elicit lust.

CEO John Lyman of the Yummy Yogurt company said, "Look, you got to be some sort of perv to get turned on by walking through the food aisles at your local grocer."

Most Sweethome stores have circumvented the law by covering the images with large stickers.

Climate Ch-ch-changes!

2009-10-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

"It was so hot this summer," said one of my Alaskan relatives.

"It snowed here in Mass. It rarely if ever snowed here before and never this early," said a former college classmate.

"Our vineyards are drying up," said a Sonoma Valley winery.

For each of these expressed woes, there is an inverse of praise.

"It was so warm this summer," said a second-year Alaskan resident.

"It snowed here in Massachusetts. I even got to build a snow person," said a long-time Boston resident on CNN.

"Our vineyards do better every year," said an Rogue Valley, Oregon, winery.

The only constant in life is change, and the climate is no exception. Where some regions are experiencing the adverse effects of climate change, others benefit from it.

Climate change is indeed cyclical, as many global warming naysayers claim. However, the rate at which the world's climate is changing is not normal.

Too many of the signs point to the sad fact that it's too late to stop this accelerated period of climate change. That doesn't mean we can't do our utmost to slow it down, though.

Here are some things you can do to combat climate change:

Park the car!
This is a huge one. Vehicle emissions account for the single largest factor in creating the pollution responsible for global warming. If you can walk to your destination in 15 minutes, then leave your rig in the driveway. Walk or bike instead.

Resist Gadget Glut!
Whether it's the latest iPhone to come out, the newest version of Amazon Kindle, a brand spanking new GPS, or a margarita making machine, all these cool gadgets are created in factories. Most often, these factories are located in countries with almost no pollutant restrictions.

Boycott Excess Packaging!
Ever get a Lunchable for your kid or sibling? Every single item is sealed in its own little piece of cellophane. And what about that nifty little container? All of these items eventually wind up in a landfill, where they remain for decades. The result is massive piles of trash producing an excess of toxic methane gases.

Don't Be a Green Sheeple!
Too many people trust that the products they purchase are better for the environment. All because the packaging says the product is ecofriendly. People buying organic cotton, for instance, believe that they are doing the right thing for the earth. What they don't know is that it takes 4 times as much land to produce organic cotton, which represents a tremendous drain on already meager water resources. A better alternative is to purchase used clothing from a thrift store or clothing produced from recycled fibers, or even better, hemp!

Consider your options. Put them into play. Fight climate change by changing your habits. As for that wacky weather and its effects on your environment, I say, "Roll with it and embrace the change."

Words Are Fun #7

2009-10-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

a bitter batter of lust
– how I misread the subject line of some spam

Poof

2009-09-28T20:44:00.000-07:00

Do you know
the power of
a marshmallow
slow roasted over
an electric stove?

— Kyle Stich, 28 Sept 2009

A Random Quote #2

2009-09-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

"Dogs are anthropologists among us. They are students of our behavior."
— Alexandra Horowitz from her book Inside of a Dog: What Dogs See, Smell, and Know

Words Are Fun #6

2009-09-26T08:25:00.000-07:00

with a smile a mile wide
— Kyle Stich, from a Facebook update

Farewell, Bob Parlocha

2009-09-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

My heart is pittering between ache and joy. JPR's Rhythm and News made a major switch in their programming. Deadheads in the State of Jefferson are likely to lament the loss of the Grateful Dead Hour with David Gans. Something tells me, though, they will be quite content to have Keller Williams' Keller's Cellar take its place. (I know I enjoy it.)

Far more devastating to me, however, is the loss of "Late Night Jazz with Bob Parlocha."

Bob's voice moved me through many a long night. He has been with me as long as I've lived in the Rogue Valley. I bottle fed both my sons listening to Bob.

Bob's custom JPR commercials marked the passing of every hour, letting me know how much time I had left that night with that killer jazz that sets the mood, paces my pulse, and drove whatever I was doing with each reedy sigh, with each snare whisper, with each wailing trumpet. I'll miss you, Bob.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

On the flip side, there's no more Echoes with David DeLomberto either. This all means that the current show which airs for five hours and is followed by an hour of World Cafe with David Dye equals a dream come true. The closest thing to Open Air at night we're likely to ever get.

In the long term, I'd definitely say that JPR made the right choice. The fact is most people probably found the old schedule of 2 hours of Echoes followed by 4 hours of Late Night Jazz a little sleepy. In order to attract a greater and more sustainable listener base, it most likely behooved JPR to make this bold programming change.

Words Are Fun #5

2009-09-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

when the wee one's awake
– Kyle Stich, from a text I sent

Words Are Fun #4

2009-09-08T09:23:00.000-07:00

much better
far better
way better

OR?

much better
way better
far better

Words Are Fun #4

2009-09-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

"Headless Alien Found in Topless Bar."
— Headline on a tabloid Teal'c was reading in Stargate 1, Season 4 Episode 11.

Words Are Fun #3

2009-08-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

"The spaghetti's ready!"
– My son Gavyne said this last night and I loved the rhyme.

Locals Don't Always Know Best

2009-08-19T09:28:00.000-07:00

"Best" is one of those loaded words. It gets thrown around by most in advertising and the media as if it has a tangible and measurable value. The truth is that "best" is nothing more than a word used to define an individual's preference.

Somehow, I recently started to receive newsletters from a "local" publication. In one of these newsletters, the publisher detailed an encounter he and his wife had with some tourists. As they sat eating outside a recently opened sushi joint, some tourists walked by and stopped to ask if the food was any good. The publisher's wife gave them a "meh" response.

The publisher was surprised that his wife would give them this response. She, rightfully, felt no shame over the response. It was, after all, her opinion (even though she said, "What? I wouldn't want to lie to them). Yet, somehow from his wife's response, he made an incredulous leap in logic: The scenario proved that locals know best.

Do Locals Know Best?
When it comes to little known gems of entertainment, recreation and even dining, yes!

In fact, some locals know better than others. Even locals could learn more by talking with their neighbors. You never know what jewel you have yet to discover right in your backyard.

When it comes to dining, however, locals most definitely do not know best. They only know what they like. Take the publisher's wife. I got to know her well enough at one time to know she would never presume to know "best," just what she personally considers best.

Having been raised in the Bay Area, she was privy to a whole bevy of authentic ethnic cuisine. For her, the bar was set higher than most locals around here. I remember her consistently saying that the Rogue Valley doesn't really have many good restaurants at all, and when it comes to any type of Pan-Asian fare, there's nothing worth shouting about.

In essence, no restaurant in town would get much more than an okay rating from her. So, as those tourists walked on to find a different and better restaurant, they did so based on one woman's opinion, not on a local's opinion. After all, her rating of the restaurant was based on her experience of restaurants that are hundreds of miles away.

Sometimes the Locals' Best Are Traditions
While on vacation and seeing family in Alaska a couple summers ago, we had a final breakfast out at a place in Eagle River. I believe it was called "The North Slope." This restaurant had a cool feel to it, especially the fun gold-rush facades they put up on the outside of the building.

My family members were a bit hesitant to go to the restaurant, but decided that we should have the experience at least. It was, after all, the local's favorite.

While waiting for our food, my family members explained how they used to have breakfast there almost every Sunday. Then ownership switched hands and things started to go down hill. In fact, they hadn't eaten there in almost a year. But, the restaurant was viewed as a must-eat for tradition sake.

After receiving our bountiful meals, I could see why they stopped eating there. The gravy was tasteless and had the consistency of paste. The pancakes weren't cooked all the way through. The toast was hard as a rock, and the eggs were slimy, like something found in a Vegas breakfast that goes for 99 cents.

So in the case of The North Slope restaurant, locals certainly didn't know best. They just treated it as best because it was traditional to go to that particular restaurant.

When It Comes to Locals, Ask the Right Questions
Just because someone is local, it doesn't mean they know your tastes. Asking a local if a restaurant is any good only opens the door for the local's opinion. Instead of "is the food any good here," ask these questions:

Is the food prepared to order, or do they pre-make most of their dishes?
How's the value?
What's the quality of the food? Is it traditional or mainstream?
How long did you have to wait for your food?
What's your favorite dish here?
What would you recommend?
How attentive/friendly are the servers?

And if you receive a negative review from the local, ask them why they're eating there. This may require talking to the local a little more and teasing out their tastes.

If the local explains that they don't like, for example, that the sushi is made with white rice and they prefer it with brown rice when you prefer your sushi with white, then you know that the local's opinion doesn't match your own.

You could also ask the local if they can recommend a better place to eat.

If the local starts telling you how much they like such and such restaurant because of the cous-cous and arugula salad they serve and you detest that type of food, then you know that that local's advice can be ignored.

After all, your idea of best may be on the complete opposite end of the quality spectrum than the local your asking.

Before YouTube, There Was "Hardware Wars"

2009-07-26T10:31:00.000-07:00

YouTube abounds in amateur spoof film endeavors. That's no secret. A group of people think up some humorous but cliche jokes revolving around some pop phenomenon, from movies to television shows to Top 40 tunes. Then they do their utmost best to script and digitally re-create their farcical vision.

That is now, but this is then...
With the tagline "May the Farce be with you," Hardware Wars stars Fluke Starbucker, a gee-golly kid bent on saving the universe.

With the help of Auggie "Ben" Doggie the red-eye knight, Princess Anne-Droid with her matching braided challa breads on either side of her head, and Ham Salad the wry if somewhat morose pilot and his sidekick who is a wookie monster, Fluke sets out on an adventure all-too reminiscent of the original Star Wars.

I remember watching Hardware Wars as a kid. My memory of this farce, however, didn't match my adult re-watching of the movie. In actuality, Hardware Wars plays as an exceptionally lengthy trailer.

The jokes are lame, but still good in their own universal way. The special effects are purposely poor. The makers of the short film did nothing to hide the strings that served to move around the irons and toasters that serve as the movie's ships. (Hence, "Hardware" wars.)

Perhaps the most humorous part of the film is Darph Nader, a guy in a welding mask who sounds just like Darth Vader except for the fact that you can't understand a single word the guy's muttering.

Other cheap special effects include the light saber that is nothing more than a flashlight. Fluke actually has to stand in a fog cloud to create the semi-effect of a light saber. Auggie "Ben" Doggie breaks the fourth wall to let us know that the film's producers are all too aware of the cheapness, as he shoots us a "how lame is that" look.

Let's not forget about the classic toaster shot. Taking aim at Ham Salad's iron-ship, two pieces of toast fall from the toaster, only to suddenly be flying along a straight course immediately following the cutaway.

Oh, this short film was way ahead of its time. Who knew that one day, thousands of amateurs would join the ranks of Fosselius and Wiese in creating their own farcical short films? Who knew that YouTube would appear en force to help all these amateur spoof film producers share their visions with the world... again and again and again.

Guess What?
Michael Wiese posted Hardware Wars on YouTube! Want to watch?

Hardware Wars Pt 1 — YouTube

Hardware Wars Pt 2 — YouTube

Words Are Fun #2

2009-07-21T14:13:00.000-07:00

Suddenly
We're alone
Floating high
One note and I
— Kyle Stich, a short poem written in attempt to describe that moment when watching a symphony live and they hit a note that causes my whole body to resonate to the frequency of a particular note.

Mother's Is Back!

2009-07-01T10:50:00.001-07:00

Last year, I reported the sad news that Mother's was stopping production of their signature classic cookie - Frosted Circus Animals.

After trying some other brand versions of the pink-and-white cookies, I was continuously left disappointed.

This year though, I have the good fortune of reporting that they are back! That's right. Just the other day I saw them on the shelf. Life just got a little sweeter.

A Random Quote #1

2009-06-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

"Frustrated with the inadequacies of the world, one tends to shut it out completely."
— Kyle Stich, a quote I came up with just yesterday and had to record. This is how I feel and act sometimes.

Words Are Fun #1

2009-06-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

warp core
pork chops

source: Kyle Stich

Words Are Fun – An Introduction

2009-06-03T09:51:00.000-07:00

Whether out of my mouth or out of that of another source, I hear fun use of words all the time. I used to write them down as I heard them, but I've never been diligent in recording them. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I should post them here.

Anytime I hear some poetic string of words, I'll do my best to remember and record them. Any post that falls into this category will be titled "Words Are Fun #..."

If any of the phrases spur you on to creative explorations of them, please feel free to run with them. If you post it online somewhere, let me know and I'll add the link to the specific post.

Chalk Up Another Win for the Power of the Internet

2009-05-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

Those hilarious dudes at CollegeHumor.com have been purposely flexing their influence lately.

Making online headlines today is the story of how an "uncool" shirt of three wolves baying at the moon skyrocketed to the top selling item list on Amazon.com. We've all seen tee shirts like this, and many of us might even have one kicking around in our drawers or closets, a forgotten souvenir from a trip to a State Park or wildlife-rich state.

So how did this average shirt knock Crocs and Adidas off their Amazonian pedestal? An outgoing link intentionally placed on CollegeHumor.com

Fans of "The Onion" and "Saturday Night Live" would generally get a kick out of the humor found on this site created by two high school buddies years ago.

This isn't the first time CollegeHumor.com has influenced the rankings of something. Just a few months ago, "The site urged its readers to vote for what it deemed the most boring [new license plate] design available to Nebraska drivers. That gray-and-white plate won."

In Testament to the Power of the Internet

2009-05-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

From the book Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy

"The media dubbed me 'America's Worst Mom.' (Go ahead — Google it.)"

I did Google "America's Worst Mom," and sure enough...

Bluetooth's New Slogan

2009-05-09T11:45:00.000-07:00

Bluetooth released their newest ad campaign today.

(Bluetooth: Helping Crazies Look Less Crazy)

The new ad was inspired by the sight of a down-right schizophrenic homeless drifter and a woman in a business suit walking side-by-side. Both looked like they were talking to themselves, but only one had a Bluetooth headset.

Curves Members Protest Opening of Men-Only Gym

2009-05-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

In a scene ripped straight out of the 1960s, dozens of women converged to picket a newly opened men-only gym.

Engines is the newest gym to open in the Atlanta general metro area, and it's already garnered much criticism. Most of those to protest the exclusivity of the men-only gym are members of Curves, the nation's fastest growing work-out facility.

Signs wagging on the protesters' frontline include such messages as "Go back to the Fifties, Ward!" "Chauvinism is dead!" and "Exclusivity is bigotry."

The founder of Engines admits that he's quite confused as to why he's attracted so much negative attention. "I started this gym for pretty much the same reason that Curves was started," says Jim Halleran.

Mr. Halleran has the classic "tall, dark and handsome" features ladies are said to desire. He says that half the time he went to work out at his former co-ed gym, he was approached by women. Halleran, who has been happily married for nearly 20 years, explained that he doesn't wear his wedding ring while working out. "The absence of my wedding band seemed to signal to the ladies in the gym that I was open game. Even after I told them, some would continue to press me and tell me that they didn't mind that I was married."

In the locker room, Halleran would often speak with or overhear conversations that indicated a need for a men's only gym. "I'd hear some guy express his overwhelming sense of insecurity when working out in front of women. Other fellows would comment on how every time they brought out Sports Illustrated, Maxim, or some other male-oriented magazine, some woman would inevitably harass him about his macho reading choices."

Ultimately, Halleran wanted to create a gym where men can be men. This decision has been met with incredible resistance from the female populus in the area surrounding Engines.

One female protester said, "Gentlemen clubs were outlawed in the 80's and 90's for a good reason. Men used their exclusive clubs to oppress women and minorities. Their day has come and gone, and opening Engines is an attempt to return our society to that oppressive culture."

When presented with this statement, Halleran said, "I knew that I would catch heat for opening an all-male gym. I expected it. Although I have no plans on opening membership to women, we do not limit membership based on ethnicity. In fact less than 40% of our members are Anglo in their ancestry."

As one member of Engines was confronted by a protester, he declared his intention to apply to join Curves. The protester stood aghast and replied, "Why? So you can stare at my tits, you pig?"

Curves has yet to file any charges against Engines, but rumor has it that the corporation may sue Halleran on grounds of Trademark infringement. Halleran said he's prepared for a long and spendy trial, and he has contacted the ACLU for help with his case. The ACLU has yet to respond to Halleran's request.

Note: This is a satirical piece. None of this is real, but it is loosely based on similar incidents. I thought the "satire" tag would clue folks in. Alas, it did not so I am posting this small print to cover my butt in case a protest/boycott results from what I have written.

Decembrists to Receive Award for Most Pretentious Band of 2009

2009-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

With their recent concept album "Hazards of Love" flying off virtual shelves, Portland-based band The Decemberists are quickly on their way to mainstream heights.

Many factors have spurred them onto such widespread acceptance, but the Society for True Talent has dealt a potentially devastating blow to the band. The STT recently released their list of nominations for various awards they give out at the end of June of each year. Topping the "Most Pretentious" list is none other than The Decemberists.

The Chairman for the STT says, "There a whole ton of reasons we nominated them for this award. Most namely is the way they try to craft their lyrics in ways that would really only appeal to Brit Lit college majors."

The title track to "Hazards of Love" contains perhaps the most notable example of how The Decemberists write these type of hyped up lyrics. Take this line for example:

The prettiest whistles won't wrestle, the thistles undone

"The whole idea of this maiden in green tromping through the woods seeking her true love is best left to Arthurian Legend," says an anonymous member of the nomination board.

Other reasons cited by the STT point more to their attitude than their musical ability. Here are some of the reasons submitted by nominee members:

"Colin Meloy sings in that asynine pop-punk voice made popular back in the 1990s by Green Day. That pseudo-British accent just grates on me, and let's face it, British doesn't equal classier these days."
"They're from Portland, Oregon, but their lyrics reflect an obvious pining to have come from Portland, Maine. Classic of bands who feel like the town that made them popular is a sh--hole."
"They dress like a bunch of hipster doofuses."

To date, The Decembrists have received the most nominations for "Most Pretentious Band of 2009." That doesn't mean they have the award all tied up. There's still two months to go before the nomination period closes.

On the Road Again

2009-05-04T08:03:00.000-07:00

Music and autos
Hand in hand
A duet

20th Century classic
21st Century standard

So many lyrics to sing
So many jams to beat

Music and autos
Hand in hand
A duet

"The long and winded road"

Miller Lite Issues PC Users Cease and Desist Orders

2009-05-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

The loudest sectors of the Windows vs. Mac fans were hit with a cease and desist letter from the Miller Brewing Company (MBC).

MBC contends that the hardware of any PC, regardless of its operating system, is essentially the same. As the gap between the top two operating systems (Mac and Windows) continue to close to similitude, the whole debate has become a matter of personal preference.

"We hadn't realized how closely these rabid fans had come to completely violating our well-known slogan," said MBC's CEO. "One day, one of our IP lawyers overheard an employee from accounting arguing with another from the advertising department about which of them had the superior computing system."

According to the account, the two were rabid with each other. When an IT employee who is a avid supporter of Linux systems walked by the two, he is reported as having said, "Apples. Oranges. They're both fruit. 'Tastes great... Less filling!'"

Despite calls from both Microsoft and Apple for MBC to terminate the cease and desist order, the Miller Brewing Company refuses to grant their request.

This story is completely fictional and meant as satire.

My May Challenge &mdash A Post A Day

2009-05-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

I write a lot in a whole slough of venues, but I've ignored this blog almost completely. To get myself in the writing mindset, I have decided to set a writing goal for myself.

This entire month of May, I will write one blog post every morning before getting my day underway.

Posts might come in the form of satire, reviews, poem, flash fiction, rants or raves... whatever most immediately inspires me each morning.

A Fair & Balanced Pro-Mac Article &mdash Finally!

2009-05-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know I have no great love of all things Apple.

I've used both Windows and Mac operating systems. At one time, Mac was about the only thing I used. My experience in both worlds is enough to know what I like and don't like. Macs certainly have some good things about them; the look of the OSX, in particular, is very pretty and fun. But it takes more than looks to impress me.

Now, in comparison to the disaster that is Windows Vista, Macs are much more appealing. But, I'd still choose my XP OS over a Mac OS any day of the week. Why? It meets my needs so much better than a Mac.

And that's the beauty of the article the folks at Smashing Magazine recently published:

Five Reasons Why ~~Designers~~ Developers are Switching to Mac

Not only do they point out why Macs are great, they also point out what make them not-so-great. Here are some of the points they raise that illustrate my frustration with those who indefatigably hold Macs up on a pedestal.

No second mouse button (I hate, hate, hate that Macs don't come with a right click button. It's special order. I know they want simplicity, but what's more simple? Clicking the right click button or holding CTRL while clicking the single click button?)
"When pressured to explain why they prefer OSX, Mac users often rest on qualifiable and subjective arguments such as 'it feels intuitive' or 'I enjoy using it more' or even 'I can’t explain why I like it better, I just do.' The Windows user, when presented with these arguments, usually rolls his or her eyes and continues on their way." (This is me, the eye roller.)
"If you are on a Mac, at least for the next few more years, you can pretty much rest assured your days of worrying about virus and spyware scans are a thing of the past." (Note the "at least for the next few more years." The less the gap in percentage of Mac vs. Windows users, the more likely Macs will no longer be so safe. I've been predicting this for a couple years now. Don't be surprised if in a few years, a whole batch of unsuspecting Apple products are hit hard by some dubious hacker.)
"OS X is more opinionated than other platforms. It’s more difficult to customize its look and feel, there’s no easy way to get it to run on anything but Apple hardware, and OS X can be very particular about the way certain things are done." (So much for how "intuitive" or personal the system can be. According to the article, you can configure your Mac as you want, but it takes a lot of work to do so, far more than Linux or Windows.)
"Apple notebooks are free of stickers, screws, vents, buttons, switches, and graphics." (Sorry, but this an extremely weak argument for why Macs are better. Any stickers or logos on my Dell never distract me, ever! If that kind of stuff distracts you, you might want to see a shrink, or at least learn a little focus for crying out loud.)
"For those of you who value a product that gives you many choices, Apple is going to fall short. It is often pointed out that upgrading a Mac is easy: 'Just throw it away and buy a new one.'" (This falls into another point they make that says if you like to build your own PC, Apple will not do for you. I've upgraded every computer I've ever owned and it's so simple to do. Try to do that with a Mac.)
Macs are expensive. (When it comes down to hardware, there is little to nothing that gives Macs an edge over any Windows-operating PC. Apple has merely refused to offer a competitive rate for their products because it would slim their profits too much. [And they call Bill Gates an evil capitalist.] This only feeds the image I have of Apple products as "elitist." I equate someone who has only basic computing needs buying a Mac to the person who buys $120 running shoes when a $40 pair would do just as well.)

And my favorite quote that sums up my feeling toward the Mac vs. PC debate:

"Mac is certainly not an option for every user, but it is definitely an option worth considering"

Anymore, it all comes down to a matter of personal preference.

Of course, I've highlighted only the negative points about Macs here. That's just because I'm so not-Mac-friendly. If you are considering switching to a Mac, you should definitely read Smashing Mag's article and see if a Mac truly is for you. They offer some compelling points.

One final point I'd like to add, thanks to Microsoft's affordable systems many people in the world are computing - no matter what the OS. Had Apple cornered the market years ago and maintained their high rates, computing would most likely remain the domain of the elite.

Kudos to Smashing Magazine (an obvious pro-Mac design group) for presenting the most balanced review of "Why go Mac" that I've ever read.

Satirize Your Rants

2009-04-23T11:51:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. Too many months ago, I said that I was going to take a new tack in regards to writing on this blog. In the tradition of "The Onion," I was going to write biting satirical pieces to vent my rage over certain things I read about... FAIL!

When it comes down to it, I'm afraid. That's right; I'm afraid to rant even via satire on this blog for fear that I will turn off too many of my readers. I always fear that I'll upset some of my neighbors and friends. It's time to get over that fear. In the meantime, I'd like to invite you to vent your rants in the form of satire, too!

WebRing recently launched a ring contest system that allows it's premium members to create and host contests. I decided to take advantage of their new system and created this contest:

Satirize Your Rants

Description
Yeah! We know you're livid right now. Instead of griping, why not poke fun at the source of your anger?

Submission Rules
So you want to show us just how irreverent your rage can turn when you give it a twist of humor? Knock our socks off! Your entry should be...

Free of author angst
Written in 3rd person
Read like something from "The Onion"
Make us laugh our butts off!!!

No topic is off-limits. But please refrain from gratuitous graphicness and keep your entries under 1000 words in length.

Deadlines
First day to submit: 03/16/09
Last day to submit: 07/01/09
Contest judging ends: 07/31/09

Flash Fiction Contest

"I feel guilty when..."
Not into ranting? Here's a contest hosted by WebRing themselves. Here are the details...

Description
Flash fiction - a story told with few words, a powerful piece of prose. Your challenge, should you accept, is to finish this sentence in 250 words or less: "I feel guilty when..."

Submission Rules
We will assume all entries as fiction, but you may submit a true confession. Entries must be free of typos and must not exceed 250 words in length. Mature entries are allowed, but nothing explicitly violent or sexually graphic will be approved.

Deadlines
First day to submit: 04/08/09
Last day to submit: 06/01/09
Contest judging ends: 06/30/09

You do NOT have to be a member of WebRing to participate in these two contests. You can find an updated list of the latest contests created by members here.

Hope to see at least a couple submissions from my writing amigos!

200 Gather to Play "Oye Como Va"

2009-02-17T22:43:00.000-08:00

What: Second Annual Ashland Schools Combined Band Concert
Who: Ashland Middle School, Ashland High School, Southern Oregon University bands
When: 7:30 PM 12 February 2009
Where: SOU Music Hall

Over 200 musicians gathered to play a HUGE band version of Tito Puente's "Oye Como Va." Most of you probably know the Santana's version better, but there was something particularly magical about this performance.

During the concert, the Ashland Middle School, Ashland High School and Southern Oregon University bands took turns playing solo and with each other.

The Ashland Middle School band always impresses the audience. Here are a group of seventh and eighth grade kids who can effectively lull us with a rendition of "Wildflowers" then follow it up with a roaring "Phantom of Dark Hollow."

As the Ashland High School band joined AMS , the high school teacher conducted an ambitious piece of the fun off-tempo "Contraption." With less than 45 minutes of practice, they pulled off the piece nicely.

This reporter admits to a bias toward the AMS band, so I just brush past the technically correct, but not as thrilling SOU performance. Their rendetion of "From the Delta" started out sounding reminiscent of the 40's big band jazz, but eventually faded off into a more classical music sound by the "Spiritual" segment began.

The most thrilling part of the concert came as an encore. The program already broadcast the song choice as "Oye Como Va" to be performed by all three schools at once. As each band grouped up in various combinations throughout the concert, it was obvious that not all the musicians from all three schools were going to fit on the stage.

Suddenly, those of us in the less acoustic lower section of seating were treated to something truly special. All the trombones, French horns, and trumpets lined the center aisle behind us. As they blasted out the song from both front and back, the notes of wind, brass and percussion clashed and laced above our heads. It was a one-of-a-kind experience.

Three notes of trivia:

The Ashland High School band teacher said that they were pretty sure "Oye Como Va" has never been performed by this big of a band before.
Two fellows in there early 60's joined the bands, especially spiffed up in their tuxes. Both stood next to my 'bone playin' older son, and one told him that he was at the concert where Santana first performed "Oye Como Va."
Somewhat related, the trombone player in Santana's "Smooth" (feat. Rob Thomas) is an Ashland High School graduate.

You can listen to the full song here.

A Requested Poem - "For Hatchetman"

2009-01-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

For Hatchetman
Our busted brother denied of his colors, Hatchetman
Jumped through hoops, played the game and never ran
Spent more than enough money to pay for his probation
Enough even to feed some Third World Nation

Now with all his penalties, time and fees paid
Hatchetman can put behind him the consequence of that raid
Now if only he can erase every cops' memories
Of the style and cut of Jolene's panties

30 January 2009

Note: This poem was written for a friend to give to a friend of hers who I didn't know. Rhyming poems are my weakest form of poetry writing, so this was quite a challenge. I had to sleep on it. The last two lines are a revised version of the running joke between Hatchetman and his buddies.

Welcoming Rogue and Poet!

2008-11-20T08:28:00.000-08:00

If you live and work in the arts in the Rogue Valley, you'll want to check out rogueandpoet.com. An Arts and Entertainment E-Zine for Southern Oregon's Rogue Valley, this site has the most comprehensive list of active artists and musicians working in this region. And the list keeps on growing...

I could go on about this site, but that wouldn't do it justice. You should check it out for yourself — rogueandpoet.com

Good Riddance Seth Godin

2008-11-04T13:19:00.000-08:00

For months, I read in numerous sources that Seth Godin's blog is the shiznit. I started reading his book "IdeaVirus," and that clenched it for me. I visited his site, found his blog and subscribed via RSS. After nearly one year's worth of reading his tripe and after far more deliberation than it deserved, I've deleted my subscription to Seth's blog.

Why? Well, the reasons are numerous, but mostly I grew tired of allowing his usually myopic, reactionary and hackneyed postings to stir up negative emotions of audacity within me. I gave him permission to market his thoughts to me for too long. It was high time that I cut the ties.

Why did I continue to read? Well, he's not always so off-base. Sometimes he has great things to say, relevant things and astute observations. Mostly, I stuck around because I wanted to have common ground with the rest of the online marketing "tribe." Speaking of "tribes"...

Most of you Seth fans already know about his latest book, "Tribes." Hopefully not too many of you bought it and got the free copy instead. It irritates me that Seth would try to coin a term that was already coined when he first published "IdeaVirus." In his latest book, he's tried to positioned himself as the visionary behind the concept of online tribes. But fact is, his book is really only based on observations of activity that has existed for over a decade.

In "IdeaVirus," Seth thought he cleverly coined the term "hives." Now, he might argue that hives and tribes aren't the same thing, but at their core, they are. He was hoping that the term "hives" would catch on, but he neglected to think about the negative connotations associated with that term - lack of individuality and the association with a rash, to name two.

With the term "hive" never truly taking off, Seth must have made some conscious decision to capitalize on the term that organically surfaced: "tribes." My hope is that you will not be one of the thousands taken in by his latest opus. If you read "IdeaVirus," you should already know that articulation is not one of Seth's strong suits.

Some other reasons I've unsubscribed to his blog include the following:

Seth doesn't allow comments on his blog. He is guilty of violating his own maxim of permission marketing. He markets AT us, not with us.
Seth believes nobody cares about you. Sure, he had a point that there needs to be some commonalities, that a person has to feel a vested interest in knowing you. But he was dead wrong when he said that nobody cares about you. Just go visit YouTube, go read blogs with enabled comments, go join Twitter. You'll find that people do indeed care about you, more than you might even be comfortable with.
Seth is reactionary. If he receives service he deems subpar or an inconvenience to him, he bags on the business without considering the bigger corporate policies at work. Seth is a something-for-nothing kind of guy who is always surprised and appalled when people don't drop everything to serve only him. It's painfully obvious Seth has never worked an entry-level service job. I have, and based on his tales, he is the worst kind of customer - one who takes out his frustrations on the help, who's main concern is following SOP so that they can keep their jobs. Don't beat down the employees for following their employer's rules, Seth. You just look like a jerk when you do.

Today in the US, millions of people are casting their votes for candidates and measures that matter to them. Today, I cast my vote of discontent with Seth Godin and expel him from the office of online marketing guru. His knowledge has been shown to be wane, and I welcome my newly acquired liberation from the tyranny that is the facade known as Seth Godin.

Join me, won't you? If you subscribe to Seth's blog and find it equally as irritating, unsubscribe and let your voice be heard.

Note: In case you hadn't figured it out already, this will be the last time you will have to read any Seth-related rants.

Old News - The True Face of Apple

2008-11-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

Way back at the turn of the century, Apple Computers attacked the Church of Satan for promoting their computers. Why? They feared that CoS's promotion and love for all things Apple would tarnish their reputation.

"Think different"? Not likely. Apple prefers "safe" herds.

Read about the trademark dispute that illuminated exactly how truly non-free-thinking that Apple can be. Click here.

Blog Action Day - A Story of Charity

2008-10-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

Although I no longer celebrate, the greatest Christmas I remember was also the bleakest. Growing up, my family was poor, dirt poor at times. On top of that, my mom was a multiple divorcee, which often left her to act as sole provider.

Many a time, my family subsisted on beans, hamburger meat and salmon. I grew up in Alaska, so even though we didn't always catch them ourselves, people were always gifting us with fish. Well, the year of the Christmas in question, we even lacked those basics. My mom was stubborn, refusing to admit we were poor, refusing to accept handouts or to apply for food stamps.

Christmas was fast approaching and my mom couldn't even put food on our table. Her stress was palpable. Our home was on edge, and the youngest siblings consistently asking when we were going to see Santa only added to the tension. As the oldest, I felt for my mom. She worked for 12-14 hours a day, and still she didn't make enough to keep the bills up to date or to fill the fridge. In my mind, there would be no Christmas that year. Then a miracle happened.

I woke to watch my brothers and sisters while my mom went to work. She was running late and was yelling about making sure the dishes and laundry got done before she returned from work. She dashed out the door barking some other last minute orders, when she stumbled over something. About to yell at us for leaving our stuff in front of the door, she stopped and gasped, clutching her hands to her mouth. Tears swelled in her eyes as she turned to look at me.

She signaled me to come to her, to help her with what caused her to stumble. I joined her to find four bags stuffed with groceries, enough to fill our fridge and more. There was even a turkey. Suddenly, thanks to the kindness of an anonymous soul, Christmas didn't seem so bleak.

Join me for Blog Action Day Tomorrow - Wednesday October 15, 2008

2008-10-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is Blog Action Day, a worldwide event in which thousands of bloggers write about the same topic. This year's issue is "Poverty." Participation is easy:

Commit your blog at Blog Action Day. (Remember to verify your email.)
Grab the small piece of code they provide.
Write and post your poverty-related content on Wednesday. Insert the code in your post.

Consider joining the thousands of voices to help create one loud voice crying out on the issue of poverty.

Mother's Stops Making Cookies

2008-10-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

Since 1914, pink and white frosted circus animal cookies have delighted the world. As of Monday, 13 October 2008, the world will lose these whimsical tasty treats. Citing steep increases in raw material costs, Mother's Cookies will cease production of their signature brand.

We miss you already, mama.

My Friend Calls It Like They See It

2008-10-11T13:40:00.000-07:00

A year after leaving the publication I helped start, I received an email from someone in the know. I have made a conscious decision to stop harping on the issue of the guy who runs the publication from his castle on the hill, but this email speaks miles:

Did you see the latest issue? Talk about a joke. It's cool that he put in so much political stuff, but the people in all the other towns must be feeling a bit left out. Best of the rouge valley, thats laughable. Good stuff from the mayor candidates though. Bet your chuckling about him saying that he is being democratic by not altering any of the submissions. Too bad most who read that will think he's noble when really he just doesn't want to pay for an editor. What is it you always say? There is a big difference between revising and proofing. What a cop out huh?

I wondered what you thought about him trying to convince people that he is some kind of proponent for democratic and free speech. How many times did he turn down articles or not print them because HE didn't like them or think they were not interesting? How often did he try to tell people how to write their articles? Talk about a hypocrite. But hey maybe he finally had a change of heart and is actually practicing what he preaches. So far I have not seen too many member articles printed, just from those he has in his inner circle. So much for democracy.

He also gave up on his mission statement and switched to something a little more clear. Good to know he has finally figured out that the old one made little sense.

I also notice this issue is real light on ads. Hope for his sake that was a conscious decision to make room for the candidates. And what was up with it coming out a week late? Something tells me that things are falling apart.

The remainder of this email was cut short so as to protect the author from possible defamation charges.

My friend raises a lot of good points. The thing I found most interesting about the editorial in which he attempts to sound like he's all for democracy was that he once again took a stab at his primary competitor's article on the proposed restaurant letter grading. He called the article one-sided. I agree that the article did exhibit some bias, but it wasn't that bad. It's interesting that a pro-Obama person would use such McCain tactics.

He made the entire original proposal/statement that the restaurant grade petitioner made to the city council available on the website, but it did nothing to help make his case. I was most amused that the whole reason the grade proponent went through the whole process of collecting petitions to put the measure on the ballot was that he "thought it was a neat idea." Eh? Well, that sounds like the right reason to pass this fiscally irresponsible measure.

Oh well, chalk one more up for the autocrat who hides behind rhetoric.

Queen Latifah to Star in Movie about Ella Fitzgerald

2008-10-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

Twentieth Century Fox announced the cast of "Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered," a movie based on the life of Jazz icon Ella Fitzgerald. Slated to play the starring role? None other than Queen Latifah.

"Ella's always been a huge inspiration to me," said Latifah. "She's the reason I've switched from Hip-hop to Jazz."

Production of "Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered" is set to begin November 2008.

This post is false, but wouldn't Queen Latifah make the perfect Ella?

Is Michelle More Inspirational than Barack?

2008-10-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

I ran across a very interesting article about a new sculpture to hit New York. Sculptor Daniel Edwards has released his nude bust entitled "Michelle Obama's Makeover for America."

The sculpture, a tasteful and respectful nude, was created with the idea that Michelle Obama is the embodiment of America's future. The sculpture makes her look like a Nubian Queen, though, so I wonder what the artist is trying to say here about America's future.

Also, he emblazoned a waving American flag across her chest. What's confusing about the flag is that Edwards has splashed the flag over the right side of her chest, not over her heart. Maybe the images I saw are just mirrored, but if they aren't, what was the artist trying to say by not placing the flag across her heart?

Whatever You Do This November, Don't Vote!

2008-10-02T10:15:00.000-07:00

Sarah Silverman and Jonah Hill are masters of irony. Remember, October 4 is your last day to register to vote in many states. Go register, then vote this November.

"Don't Vote!" - CollegeHumor.com

Sarah Palin in Disney's "Head of Skate"

2008-10-02T10:09:00.000-07:00

From the producers of "The Mighty Ducks" comes the blockbuster of the holiday season.

"Head of Skate" - CollegeHumor.com

Sarah Palin Is a Valley Girl

2008-09-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

If you're familiar with the expression "gag me with a spoon" and the culture that associated with it, you know what a "valley girl" is.

Back in the early eighties, the term was so popular that there was even a short-lived television series based on the culture.

Paris Hilton and her ilk might like to think that they created the super-materialistic, vacuous bimbo image, but they are mere echos to the rampant material girls who strove to imitate women living in the world-famous Los Angelic "Valley."

But, how does this make Sarah Palin a "valley girl," you might wonder?

In Southcentral Alaska, the small towns of Palmer and Wasilla are collectively referred to as "The Valley." Wasilla, as you recall, is the now infamous hometown of Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

Aside from being the meth capital of Alaska, Wasilla also boasts the second highest concentration of "hot" women (Girdwood, home of disgraced Republican Senator Ted Stevens, being the first). "If Lindsay Lohan lived in Alaska, she'd definitely live in Wasilla," said one University of Alaska, Anchorage, Freshman.

Add to all of that the fact that Sarah competed in the Miss Alaska beauty pageant, and you have a recipe for a bona fide "valley girl."

While investigating a tie between Ms. Palin and the possibility in her involvement in the valley girl movement of 1983, one anonymous classmate had this to report: "I've always remembered how in our senior year, Sarah said, 'Like, wouldn't it be sooo rad if I became the first woman president?' I used that line day for years. It never got old."

What Would You Ask Palin?

2008-09-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

Looks like the McCain campaign isn't entirely convinced of their pick for John's running mate, first-term Alaska Governor Sarah Palin.

According to an AP story posted on Yahoo! News, Palin has merely repeated the "greatest hits" from her acceptance speech given last week in Minnesota. She has said little else, and the media has not been granted any real Q&A time with her.

In contrast, Democratic Vice Presidential hopeful Joe Biden has addressed the media countless times, usually answering all questions thrown his way.

Why is Sarah Palin not allowed to stand up and speak for herself? What skeletons or otherwise embarassing mannerisms or philosophies are the McCain campaign afraid of leaking to the press? Do they not trust her to give quality or acceptable responses to the media's questions?

What ever their reasons, Palin's handlers need to let her loose, to let her step up to the plate and show she is capable of handling tough questions. It is part of the job she's vying for after all.

If you had the chance to ask Governor Palin one question, what would it be?

Changing the Tack of My Rants

2008-09-08T16:43:00.001-07:00

My posts here can sound pretty negative at times. I admit that nothing gets me writing quite as quickly as something that has set me off. Yet, I'm not what you would typically label a negative person.

Ironically, though, it is the things I post that are rife with negativity that tend to attract the most attention. Well... that and a crafty headline.

As to be expected with such posts, those who feel passionately in the opposite way usually have something really negative to say in return. I posted something that someone discovered via Google. They found my rant petty, but didn't catch the greater question I was posing. Well, I went back and read and re-read my post to see if I really was coming off as petty and mean-spirited as the person suggested. I wasn't.

Yet, somehow, I lost her to the rant. My writing, although clear and concise, evoked too strong of a negative emotion that distracted the reader from my main message (even though I ended with very clear questions). I was pretty irritated that they didn't actually get out of the post what I hoped they would get out of it. But the writer in me told me to take a breath.

This person's comment stood as a signal that even in my most cooled of rants, I can still lose someone to my emotions. Maybe I did drop the ball on that one and lost my readers in a jealous rampage. One things for sure, to this one reader at least, I failed in getting across my true message and call for dialog.

So, I have decided to put a much greater demand on myself. I am removing myself from my writing (for the most part, at least). Meaning, I plan to write in a distant and objective voice. My plan for all rants in the future is to write them as satire, to write them as if they are slated for publication on "The Onion."

You ready to laugh? After that last round of comments, I sure am! Welcome to the bitingly satirical Rogue Writing.

Some Upcoming Stories:

Berkeley Passes "One-World" Legislation
Nordic Man Sues Vatican for Reparations
Wayne & Stark Tried for Embezzlement
Marketers Lead Lemmings to Bridge to Nowhere
Ad Revenue Soars in Recession

YOU Plan the American Budget

2008-09-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

Whether Democrat, Republican, Constitution, Libertarian, or Green, we all tend to criticize our politicians about debacles in our national budget. Introducing "Budget Hero"!

Jefferson Public Radio (serving the State of Jefferson) has posted this new interactive game that puts you in charge of determining how to spend $3.3 trillion dollars. After deciding what programs to keep and which ones to cut, which taxes to raise and which ones to cut, you can then see the 10 year impact your choices would likely have on our nation.

The game was created by American Public Media, and it illuminates how truly challenging it can be to balance the US budget. Go give Budget Hero a try!

2 Firsts, No Matter Who Wins the General Election

2008-08-29T09:12:00.001-07:00

I am not voting for McCain. I refuse. But his pick in Vice Presidential candidates is exhilarating. McCain announced Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.

This little-known politician rounds off McCain's ticket in a way that is going to make it more difficult for Obama to win over swing voters. In choosing a woman running mate, I am certain that McCain is hoping to win over some angry Hillary Clinton supporters with his veep pick.

I have little positive to say about McCain, but I thank him for his pick. In choosing Palin as his vice-presidential candidate, he has created a win-win situation for all American voters who want to see a change in the "pedigree" of the White House administration.

My top concerns with McCain's pick? Nearly complete inexperience on this Alaskan Governor's part and the opening of ANWR. Alaska is a state most heavily tied into oil production, after all.

Obama Had Me At Langston Hughes

2008-08-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama gave his candidacy acceptance speech a couple hours ago. As I shared my opinions of his speech with my wife, I wondered what the media would take from his speech. What would the headlines read?

Yahoo! posted an article from the Associated Press. The writers note that:

On a night 45 years after Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "I have a Dream Speech," Obama made no overt mention of his own race.

Pardon me? What is his race? Remember that he is half white, too. I feel that this statement reeks of the "one drop rule." I wonder if he struggled with checking boxes on forms, or if he just always checked African American without giving it a second thought.

It's interesting, too, to note that the Wikipedia page that the details the one drop rule opens references Langston Hughes response to the odd rule:

You see, unfortunately, I am not black. There are lots of different kinds of blood in our family. But here in the United States, the word "Negro" is used to mean anyone who has any Negro blood at all in his veins. In Africa, the word is more pure. It means all Negro, therefore black. I am brown.

Why is this interesting in the context of the Obama speech? Well in it, he refers to "dreams deferred." This is classic Langston Hughes and it speaks miles to the overall sentiment of our country — regardless of race.

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load
Or does it explode?

This poem spoke to me from the first time I read it. My life so often would feel like it was just one long string of dreams deferred until "it just sags / like a heavy load." I've moved past most of that now, but I immediately saw the connection he was drawing to the current state of our country.

I actually learned about "Dream Deferred" through a play by Lorraine Hansberry called "Raisin in the Sun." The (possibly unintended) reference to this play packed an extra wallop, as it continues to be a steady favorite in theater productions and represents some firsts. The play was the first Broadway play written by a black woman and with the first black director of a show on Broadway.
'
The nuance of this (un)intentional refererence invokes the spirits of two African Americans who left a legacy, as well as the beloved Langston Hughes. And that's where Obama had me... with Langston Hughes.

Now, I know that I've pussyfooted around the whole un/intentional thing. Well, I'll take a stance and say Obama intended to invoke "Raisin in the Sun." Why...?

While pursuing my English degree, my lit class read the play. As with any lit class, we had a theme around which we would discuss the book. In the case of this one, we discussed The American Dream!

That's right. Did you happen to hear any overt references to The American Dream throughout the rest of Obama's speech? I think I remember a few. The synchronicity of it all is slowly giving me chills. Here is a person who I relate to more than any other I can ever remember, because he was raised by his hard-working mother, his father was absent, he rose out of poverty, and he's been married about as long as me.

Yet despite all our similarities, Obama had me at Langston Hughes.

No Country for Old Men (R)

2008-08-26T08:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, after much fanfare, I sat down and watched "No Country for Old Men." What a disappointment.

I love the Cohen brothers, but they really should stick to what they do best — writing their own stories. The movie has many of the same elements we've come to expect from a Cohen Bros flick. From creative ways of killing people to gritty characters that you can't seem to stop watching.

In "No Country for Old Men," the antagonist, Anton Chigurh played by Javier Bardem, gets under my skin in a way I'm not sure if I welcome or shun. Chigurh is definitely the most compelling character, sort of creepy and boyish all at the same time.

"Barton Fink," "Big Lebowski," "Hudsucker Proxy," "Fargo"...
All movies written by Joel and Ethan Cohen, and all rich with deep storytelling. "No Country for Old Men," however, was a screenplay they wrote based on the novel by Cormac McCarthy. Their attempt at turning this bloody book into a compelling movie was a disaster fit to keep you sunk down in a pit of despair.

Here's the synopsis:

Man runs across the site of a drug deal gone awry.
Man takes the money left behind by the dealers and runs.
Man returns to the site to help one guy who was barely alive only to discover he's dead.
Man is spotted by the dealers' henchman and ends up running across South Texas from a psychopathic killer who wants the money back.

The movie starts out with a monologue, a signature move by the Cohen bros. I love this technique, as it is so rife with the oral tradition. But, that's about as exciting as it gets.

The 2 1/2 hour runtime could easily have been reduced to 1 1/2 hours. Most of the movie seems to rely on the long drawn-out sequences of people staring or walking. If you watch many foreign films, you know the technique. Sometimes the long draw works beautifully, but not in "No Country for Old Men." This movie focuses on bloodshed. The long draw only makes it look as though the Cohen bros are feebly trying to make art out of violence.

I know the tagline for "No Country for Old Men" is "There Are No Clean Getaways," but this movie was a sheer disappointment. Why? SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!!!

Some of the best characters, like Woody Harrelson's Carson Wells, are never quite allowed to live up to their potential. Chigurh kills him off quickly, with no fight, just a simple click of the trigger.

Then there's the protagonist, Llewelyn Moss played by Josh Brolin. For most of the movie, we focus on his escape, his outrage, his attempt at revenge. Then, after watching him in intensely violent scene after violent scene. He's just dead and floating in a hotel pool. It was a bit like watching a movie about the shootout at the OK corral, watching the build up to the famous showdown only to have the camera pan away then return after the fight is over.

With the protagonist dead, you would think the movie's over, right? Nope. Llewelyn's wife, Carla Jean played by Kelly Macdonald, talks to Sheriff Ed Tom Bell, played by the fabulous Tommy Lee Jones, after her husband's death. She says one line that sums up my sentiments toward the remainder of the movie: "When will it be over?" Then she is killed by Chigurh.

Slowly, Chigurh makes his way out to a car, drives away down a quiet neighborhood street, is T-boned by another car, pays a kid for his shirt to use as a sling, then waddles off down the road.

Cut away to a retired Sheriff Bell, sitting bored at his table and asking his wife if she wants any help with her horses. End movie. WTF!

So, this movie shows no character development, no resolution, no payoff - just a bored retired sheriff who doesn't know what to do with his time and a psychopath wandering free.

Now, I could blame the Cohen bros for poor storytelling, but I know they can do better. I could blame Cormac McCarthy, but I haven't read the novel so I'm not sure if the lame storytelling is his fault or not.

For all the fanfare "No Country for Old Men" received, it is a nearly complete pile of s$%#! If long drawn out scenes and gratuitous violence bother you, don't waste your time on "No Country for Old Men."

My Rating for "No Country for Old Men": 2 out of 5 stars
(Extra points for including the little extra touches in the movie, like naming an auto shop after one of the producers.)

Don't fret, Cohen Bros fans. Joel and Ethan have completed their latest story: "Burn After Reading." It looks like a much better story.

Should We Respect Our Elders?

2008-08-08T14:26:00.001-07:00

Do the elderly really deserve our respect and admiration?
I was taught this my whole life, and believe it or not, I continue to hear this sentiment. Yet, "respecting your elders" seems to contradict another saying: "Respect is something you earn."

Have the elderly earned the youth's respect?
Before I continue, I must point out that I'm not talking about a general respect that you should show all living creatures. I'm talking about looking to the elder generation for their wisdom that has come from a life full of rich experiences.

With all our current crises ranging from healthcare to global warming, though, I wonder if the elder generation deserves our unquestioning respect. I say "no," our elders let us down in almost every way, especially in terms of our environment. They are squarely responsible for the mess we're in.

Plastic shopping bags
They are slowly being banned, starting with California's recent legislation. I remember when plastic bags first hit the shopping scene. They were all the rage, and still are.

As a Blockbuster customer, I am often asked if I would like a bag for my movie(s). Every time I'm asked this question, I chuckle. I mean, who would actually request a bag for their DVD? With no one in line behind me, I decided to interview the employee:

Me: "Do many people actually ask for a bag?"
Her: "Not many. Usually only if they have a ton of movies and some candy or soda."
Me: "Hmmm, do you ever have people who want a bag for one or two movies?"
Her: "Yeah, but not many."
Me: "Is there any specific demographic associated with those who do want a bag?"
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "You know... like an age, gender, or race."
Her: "Why do you want to know?"
Me: "Just wondering if my suspicions are correct."
Her: "Who do you think asks the most?"
Me: (Laughing) "Ah, I asked first..."
Her: (Looking around then pointing at an elderly man in the Drama section) "Mostly people like that."
Me: "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

Just as I suspected. The very same people I'm still told to this day to respect are stuck in ecologically destructive patterns. Yet, these are the people I'm supposed to respect?

The rampant materialism, the propagation of a disposable society, these things epitomize the Depression Era and Baby Boomer generations. The Baby Boomers are slowly coming around to changing their ways, but those from the Depression Era ironically shun anything labeled as good for the Earth.

As with any demographic, there are certainly exceptions. In fact, without the radicals of past generations, we might not have progressed as far as we have. But in general, the elderly have squandered their respect quotient long ago. What wisdom do we have to gain from a culture based on rampant materialism and voracious homogeneity?

Respect the elderly? I don't think so, at least not until they start showing the youth some in return.

Some Elders We Should Respect

Allen Ginsberg - for changing and opening up the world of poetry for all
Noam Chomsky - for expanding our understanding of linguistics
Ralph Nader - for championing a change in our environmental policies
Rosa Parks - for challenging the racial status quo
Jane Fonda - for persisting to push for global causes
Ilona Staller - for pushing our conceptions of moral backgrounds

Searchme.com Assessment — Addendum Stacks

2008-08-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

In my assessment of searchme.com's use as a search engine, I completely overlooked one of the most innovative aspects of their site... Stacks!

Instead of trying to explain what stacks are and how to use them, I refer you to their information page about stacks. Make sure to scroll to the bottom of the page to watch the video. To check out the stack info page, click here.

Here's the "Rogue Writers" stack I created while testing out the stack feature.

Searchme

Maximize stack view

Also, a bit thanks to the folks at Searchme.com for taking note of my assessment.

Searchme.com Assessment — Part IV Conclusion

2008-08-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

The following is the fourth and final part of my searchme.com assessment, a distinctly different search engine.

As someone with the right hard/software, I absolutely love searchme.com. The presentation of screenshots, embedded videos, and images in a rolodex style makes for a truly unique searching experience.

Site Screenshots Rock!
In particular, I enjoy seeing screenshots of sites before I visit them. This is a feature I’ve always wanted in a search engine. How often have you Googled a site, the details seem right, but when you visit the site, it’s crap or spam? The downside I see to this feature is that the screenshots work best for sites with less-frequent updates. Blogs might not serve up the most accurate screenshots. Which raises my next concern…

Blogs Rank Low
Very few, if any blogs appear in searchme.com’s results. Perhaps this is part of their approval policy. Blogs change so frequently that their authority is questionable. Google used to prefer static pages, taking the tack that sites that have been around for awhile with no updates and are linked to constitute authoritative sites. Whatever the case, bloggers of all types will probably not run to promote searchme.com, as we are the ugly stepchildren.

Questionable Ethics of Site Reviews
As mentioned in my first post, searchme.com employs a human-review process for all sites submitted to their list of available sites. Although I like that this removes the possibility of bots tricking the system, this raises some ethical concerns for me:

1. What are the criteria for “quality”?
You can spot spam and scams easily enough, but what about sites that offer quality information that is chockfull of typos. A curmudgeon would oust it immediately. But just because an author offers info written in text message format doesn’t mean the info is wrong or not quality. Then there’s the web design aspect. Do all the sites accepted by searchme.com have to adhere to a modern design, dumping any pages created with, say, the lackluster GeoCities software?

2. Where does this leave “adult” sites?
This question has plagued every search engine or social network since they became popular. Filters help in the acceptance of adult sites that don’t violate the more intensely illegal forms of pornography like pedophilia or bestiality sites. But, what of those sites that walk the line? Who makes the call?

3. Do the “giants” automatically get ranked higher?
I know that searchme.com is just getting started. Of course, they would opt to fill their search results with images from the ever-popular Flickr, YouTube, and Wikipedia. But, will searchme.com create an algorithm that produces organic search results that account for other sites besides the giants?

Overall, I give searchme.com highest marks and look forward to seeing how they progress over the next couple years. Check them out!

Searchme.com Assessment — Part III Image Search

2008-08-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

The following is Part III of my searchme.com assessment, a distinctly different search engine.

Users of mid-1990’s computers or those on phone modems might not appreciate the presentation of images on searchme.com, but it’s pretty awesome. You get a browsing experience not unlike that of an iPhone.

The images are stacked in previous and next word in a fashion that resembles a rolodex. Depending on your screen resolution, you can go straight to the fifth picture to come.

Information related to each image is much more accessible to the layperson than Google. When you want to read the information, you can hover over the bottom portion of the image and an info block will rise to the occasion… literally. I didn’t try out the different screen resolution, so I can’t attest for the larger character version.

Instead of numbers, searchme uses a scale. I wonder if this will turn out to be such a good idea for once they become huge. They do, however, review all sites submitted. So unlike Google, they’ve taken a Mahalo.com approach of using humans to review sites.

The only downside with searchme.com image search is that nearly all the images are from flickr.com. The shots are great, but I want more sources. They do state that they’re just getting started, so I’m sure it will get better over time.

Check out the searchme.com Image Search tool and let me know what you think.

Searchme.com Assessment — Part II Video Search

2008-08-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

The following is Part II of my searchme.com assessment, a distinctly different search engine.

Without ever having to visit the site where the video is hosted, you can watch the videos you are searching for right from searchme.com’s rolodex style display. The site is set to automatically play each video as you click on it.

If you don’t like that arrangement, you can set the “preferences” to just display the static screenshot. This way of displaying videos really rocks, but would probably infuriate those with older software that is easily bogged down by multimedia.

The only downside right now is that every video I saw was from YouTube. Although the leader, YouTube is definitely not the only video sharing site out there. Give searchme.com some time though, they’re just getting started.

Check out searchme.com’s video search, then let me know what you think.

Searchme.com Assessment - Part I Web Search

2008-08-03T13:06:00.000-07:00

The following is Part I of my searchme.com assessment, a distinctly different search engine.

searchme.com is definitely an amazing way to search the web. Anyone using an old dial-up modem or some software from the Nineties might not have a good time with this search engine, but the presentation is awesome.

Instead of a list of links, you get a pretty nice size shot of the website. No more wondering what you’ll get when you hit the link — you see the site!

Each word of your search query is circled in its own color. When you move your cursor, the info pops up from the bottom of the block.

As for the results details… well, talk about “distinctly different.” searchme.com clearly states the source and the topic (ex. City of Los Angeles, California – Sunset Blvd), the first few lines of the page’s content, and lastly, the URL.

This is truly a new web search experience, that I think I might just like. Check out searchme.com and let me know what you think.

Did You Find Yourself?

2008-07-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

"People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates." — Psychiatrist Thomas Szasz

Talking about Osam... Oops, I mean, Obama

2008-07-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

News groups continue to slash their staff writers and editors by the bushel. I can't help but wonder how often (if elected president) Barack Obama will be accidentally referenced as "Osama." Can you see the headlines already?

"President ~~Osama~~ Obama Approves Ax Tax Cuts for Poor"

Lucinda Williams — Country Meets California

2008-07-28T09:55:00.001-07:00

I've always loved Lucinda Williams. There's something about the sound of her voice that scratches me in just the right places. Until listening to her song "Righteously" I was unable to put my finger on her style.

She certainly has a strong rock-and-blues sound, with just enough country twang to spice the sound but not bog it down. Yet there's something else swimming around in her voice that I just couldn't peg.
Then it struck me like a spaghetti bowl of log-jammed cars. California! More precisely, the Valley Girl sound. There's a slight sassiness and confidence you only get from the girls of Orange County rolling around in Lucinda's delivery.

If you love Lucinda for her assumed southern roots, no worries. She was born in Louisiana.

For those of you unfamiliar with Lucinda Williams, here's the song that made me draw the Country/California connection:

Righteously, Lucinda Wiliams (Audio Only) — YouTube

Can Someone Explain This?

2008-07-27T14:43:00.001-07:00

I know, I know. I bash on Seth Godin too much. I must reiterate that I actually do agree with most of what he proposes. Yet, some of his ideas are so out of left field that I have no idea where he's coming from. Take his "Promoting the promotion" post.

I'm not sure what Seth's getting at by having a problem with the sponsor of a promotion helping to promote the promotion.

He was so appalled that State Farm Insurance would have the audacity to promote an event they are sponsoring:

"This is how far we've come, how low we've sunk."

Really? Hasn't this been happening since the Po-Mo days of advertising? I don't get how this is a new low? I mean, I understand that they've done nothing to address how their involvement or the event itself doesn't address any real need or value. But this is nothing new.

Maybe you can explain what in the world Seth's griping about.

On a side note, he concludes with the statement that executives of the company that sponsors the event shouldn't be allowed to attend the event. ???? Why not? If I footed the bill for a party, I'd want to attend.

Should the US President Have Served in the Military?

2008-07-25T15:20:00.001-07:00

Despite calls from his supporters, McCain continues to point out that he has served in the military and Obama has not.

Does it really matter if the future president has military experience?
Look at Bush. Sure, he served in the guard, but he doesn't have any measurable experience. While our boys were getting blown to bits in Vietnam, he was having a grand time in the Gulf of Mexico flying fighter jets and going AWOL. Yet, here he is - Commander in Chief.

Then there's McCain, a five-year prisoner of war. He was a victim of terrible atrocities, and I commend him for choosing to remain a POW so that his fellow soldiers could be released instead. Yet, he is a victim. It's always a bad idea to put the victim in charge, because their decisions won't be balanced or objective. It's like the female rape victim who will forever view every male as a potential rapist.

Despite these points, there's something bigger at stake when a nation of voters demand that their president have military experience.

To vote for a presidential candidate because he or she has military experience is to say that we are a warring (vs. peaceful) nation.

Why should a peaceful nation need a soldier as their president? Look at all other nations who choose to vote in a military commander or POW as their top-elected officials. How does that typically turn out? Can you say Peron, Castro, Stalin, Mugabe, Hitler...?

The point is this:
An understanding of how you can most effectively deploy the military is more important than having served in it.

Afghanistan or Iraq - Which really poses the bigger threat? Which is home to the Taliban and al-Qaida?

Obama knows where the real danger lives? McCain is too blinded by all the oil in Iraq to see the truth - even if he won't admit it.

Why McCain Will Lose

2008-07-25T14:58:00.001-07:00

This post may sound a bit overly optimistic, but bear with me...

Why do so many people flock to Obama? Well, it's quite simple really; Obama is running on a campaign of change and hope.

The majority of US citizens no longer want our troops fighting in the Middle East. Those who do believe we should continue fighting tend to bow to the idea that our enemies are not in Iraq, but in the hopelessly under-soldiered country of Afghanistan. (Note: Ignorant exceptions do exist.)

Stepping beyond his initial cry to pull all troops out of the Middle East, Obama has listened to military commanders and consultants and conceded that a shift in our troops to Afghanistan is needed.

In the meantime, McCain is running on a double campaign of "steady on" and mudslinging.

Yet it won't be his views on the Middle East that destroys McCain's campaign. So far, he has parroted the policies of the current Administration.
It's clear most US citizens want a clear divergence from Bush Co.

In short, McCain offers zero change. Just look at how he's running his campaign. He offers no solutions, only blame. What's worse, he spends too much time trying to smear and mock Obama's campaign efforts and not enough time solidifying his own ticket.

Voters have had enough of politics as usual. They want the candidates to tell them what they plan to change, not how their opponent's policies will result in the complete devastation of our society.

McCain needs to start focusing on his own message, to start telling us how he's going to create measurable change in our nation. So far, he's fallen far short of anything even closely resembling such a campaign.

This post was inspired by an AP article titled "McCain rejects 'audacity of hopelessness' for Iraq" and was composed using ScribeFire.

Organic Does NOT Equal Bigger

2008-07-15T14:38:00.000-07:00

My duplicitous neighbor proved his "sheeple" status the other day. No, he's not a Republican screaming to open offshore drilling. He would like to think of himself as quite liberal. After all, everything in his garden is organic.

Here's his statement that made me want to "baaaa" in his general direction:

"My strawberries are all so small. I don't understand where I'm going wrong. I used all organic soils and plants. It looks nice and rich, but they're sooo small."

It took all my strength not to point out how misguided he is in regards to "organic" practices. The main principle behind organic agriculture is quite simple: No pesticides, herbicides or GMO is used in the cultivation of plants. That's it!

My neighbor's statement had me wondering if he's ever shopped for organic produce. Walk through any store that offers organic produce and you note a marked difference in size and appearance. Apples, strawberries, cucumbers, asparagus — they are all smaller than their non-organic relations.

In addition, most organic produce isn't winning any beauty contests. They are usually malformed and contain the occasional signs of pest consumption. That's the trade-off for choosing to eat nutritious fruits and vegetables devoid of nasty chemical treatment.

How is it that so many sheeple have latched onto this notion that organic means that all aspects of the product are better?

Note: Yes, liberals can most definitely be "sheeple." A sheeple is one who blindly follows the flock, believing that the wisdom of their flock is infallibly the right one.

Beware Marketing "Expert" Advice

2008-07-13T11:05:00.001-07:00

Let me start by saying that most all of Seth Godin's advice in regards to marketing is revolutionary and that more marketers should follow his lead. But, not all he has to say is sound.

As the father of "permission marketing," a wholly innovative approach to marketing, I sometimes find his advice rather antiquated. Stripped straight from the mindset of old-school marketers, I find some of his advice illustrative of the fact(?) that he's never actually worked the front lines of customer service. Rather, he has dictated from the ivory tower of marketing.

Seth recently wrote about the power of scarcity in the marketplace and cited the recent 3GB iPhone debacle as the inspiration for the post.

A little background, Apple didn't produce enough new iPhones to match demand for the overrated phone. On top of that, their carriers (AT&T mostly) wanted the customers to come into their stores to make sure the customers signed contracts.

On top of the shortage of iPhones, the process of activating the phones took at least a half hour. Multiply that by 70 to 1000 people per store and you have some pretty agitated consumers.

Now in true Godin fashion, Seth proposed some principles that Apple and AT&T could have employed to smooth over the situation AND to benefit from the scarcity of the iPhone. I agreed with all of them, but the third principle made me shudder.

Principle 3: Treat different customers differently. Apple, for example, knows how to contact every single existing customer. Why not offer VIP status to big spenders? Or to those that make a lot of calls? Let them cut the line. It's not fair? What's fair mean? I can't think of anything more fair than treating the people who treat you well, better.

Having worked in customer service, working the front lines where I am face-to-face with the customer, I know first hand that nothing infuriates a new or regular customer more than line cutting. Someone who actually worked in the trenches would understand this principle.

I'm not saying that Godin is wrong in offering VIP treatment, per se. That's a terrific approach in rewarding and retaining customer loyalty. What I am saying, though, is to keep that VIP treatment on the downlow. Advertise that VIPs get the royal treatment - yes! Flaunt VIP treatment in the face of those who didn't get it - no, no, no! You're creating unnecessary tension that only makes the employee's job that much more difficult.

It's easy for the marketers to call the shots, to establish the protocol, but they aren't the ones who have to actually deal with the customer.

If you are a marketer, remember this principle above all else:

A happy employee equals a happy customer.

If you make things inordinately, unnecessarily difficult for your employee, you will lose customers.

Help Me Appreciate Martin Sexton

2008-07-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying that when it comes to singing, Martin Sexton has skills. He can sing in such a wide range that he's beyond skilled; he's a master. So, I can appreciate that aspect of his work.

What gets me about Martin Sexton is how he's all over the map in regards to his range. It's as though he thinks that if he doesn't sing through the entire scale, to let loose at all octaves, that he hasn't done his job as a singer. In the words of my youngest son, "Why does he think he has to show off all the time?"

That's about how I feel about it, too. There's no good reason to go all over the vocal map like Martin does. It's like all these female hip-hop artists who start nearly every one of their songs with that worn-out "Yea-aa-aaah!" or "Oooo-ooo-uuuu-aaah!" Do something original.

Speaking of original, I'm sorry, but Martin Sexton lacks originality. His "Black Sheep" song offers nothing new to the world of lyrics — with his mention of angels, of how his dad always told him what he needed to hear not what he wanted to hear, of how he thanks God Almighty, of how he's going to set his soul... wait for it, wait for it, here comes the cliché... free-eee-eeee!

Please, I want to appreciate him. After all, the unique Keller Williams likes to work with Martin. Now, there's a musician!

Here's a video of Martin Sexton performing "Black Sheep":

Coming Soon: Guide to Citizen Journalism

2008-07-08T15:47:00.001-07:00

It occurred to me as I made my last post, that I've done a fair share of criticizing Citizen Journalism efforts. I love CJ! For me, it represents the next evolution in social responsibility and empowerment of the people.

Beginning next week, I will launch a series of posts designed to help you become a truly terrific Citizen Journalist. Watch for it coming soon, and accept no imitations.

This is NOT Citizen Journalism

2008-07-08T15:28:00.001-07:00

I've talked a bit about what qualifies something as Citizen Journalism in the past. What I haven't discussed is what disqualifies something as CJ.

Take this local publication with so much potential to create an actual model of CJ. Recently, a video was posted on this site. The video is of nudist activist Jen Moss. If you're okay with full frontal nudity, I recommend watching it.

As a nudist myself, I respect Jen's message and mission. Over the past few months, she has received considerable media exposure because she was denied entry in the 4th of July parade. I don't share the view of so many who say she has no place in a family event. You go, Jen!

Now, back to my criticism of the video itself and the text that accompanies it:

A recorded mission statement does not qualify as an interview. It's certainly terrific for archival purposes, but you must engage in some form of Q&A for it to count as an interview. I could go further and say that the interviewer should present some tough questions, but we'll skip that for now.
Owners, publishers, editors and staff writers aren't Citizen Journalists. If you run the show, if you make the call as owners, publishers, editors and paid staff writers do, then you aren't a "citizen" in the CJ sense. You are the policy maker, and therefore, disqualified as a CJ.

If you share Jen's beliefs, check out her site at earthfriendjen.com.

What do you think about Citizen Journalism?

Is it the greatest thing since Open Source technology, or is it the degradation of journalistic integrity?
Should small publishers and their paid staff get to claim the role of Citizen Journalists?
Is one more addition to a worn-out story newsworthy?

Wikipedia Has a Poor Privacy Policy?

2008-07-06T13:21:00.000-07:00

The Complaint
Lilith eZine posted a list of complaints regarding Wikipedia's Privacy Policy and Practices. Their main issue is with how Wikipedia displays email addresses on contributor profile pages. They have called for as many people as possible to email Wikipedia to ask them to change their privacy policy.

You can read their full article here.

If you even mildly agree with their points, I implore you to join them in their campaign.

Public Info Equals Credibility
Wikipedia is distinctly Web 2.0. This latest evolution of (world) culture is all about opening up, in creating discourse. If you have a problem with a contributor's views, or if you are beefing over what they present as fact, their contact information allows you to speak your mind.

Discourse and the presentation of "knowledge" should never be one-sided.

Public Info Invites Abuse
Of course, as with any website in general, you are bound to be subjected to spam and cons. It's not Wikipedia's fault that outsiders abuse their policy of openness. It is a risk that the contributor takes when they step up and speak their minds.

To use the example of Lilith eZine's organization: They receive so much hate mail that they have dedicated a blog to posting it all. If they didn't post their contact information, they wouldn't receive most of those letters. That was a risk they took in posting their contact info.

I dare say that this is a necessary risk, too. It's all about credibility. Media groups do it all the time - from listing the authors of articles to providing contact info. If you're not willing to step forward and say "I did this!" then you've lost credibility.

Wikipedia's Privacy Policy Is Clear
In regards to posted email addresses, the Wikipedia privacy policy says:

"You may provide your e-mail address in your Preferences and enable other logged-in users to send email to you through the wiki. Your address will not be revealed to them unless you respond, or possibly if the email bounces. [...]You can remove your email address from your preferences at any time to prevent it being used."

So, according to this statement, contributors have the choice of showing their email address or not. In other words; if you correctly create a Wikipedia account, you should understand what you've gotten yourself into.

Does Wikipedia Really Encourage Pedophilia?
I hadn't ever read about the whole pedophile issue until Lilith eZine brought it up. Quite frankly, it didn't seem like it would be an issue. After all, how many minors are actually creating Wikipedia accounts? It didn't seem likely.

I Googled up some news stories and discovered that Wikipedia has indeed been referred to as "pro-pedophilia." A deeper investigation, though, shows that this is actually more of a propaganda war being waged between Perverted Justice and Wikimedia. It's all a bunch of "he-said, she-said" nonsense.

Wikipedia claims that if they receive reports of pedophilia that they investigate, and that they have no qualms in banning the offenders. Perverted Justice claims that Wikipedia protects the pedophilic offenders.

The few articles that I found were unconvincing. Many listed some of the youngster's profiles that contain offending comments. When I clicked on the links, lo and behold, the profiles were no longer in existence. If this isn't a sign of Wikipedia's commitment to stamp out the pedophiles from their system, I don't know what is.

Users Are Ultimately Responsible
It's a tough job trying to monitor tens of thousands of profiles. The beauty about the user-generated model is that it allows members to take action. Thanks to the help of flags, pedophiles have a more and more difficult time staying hidden.

All I have to say about the issue of making basic user info public is...
If you're not willing to step forward, to take responsibility for what you've written, you have no right posting to Wikipedia.

Once again, I encourage you to read Lilith eZine's article regarding this issue. If you agree with their argument, consider joining them in their campaign to ask Wikipedia to change their privacy policy.

Imagine thousands of emails all requesting the same thing. That's the power of the masses; that's the power of democracy!

Capt. Kathryn Janeway on Coffee

2008-06-27T15:03:00.000-07:00

"I beat the Borg with it."
— Captain Kathryn Janeway in response to Commander Chakotay's concern that she might drink too much coffee. Star Trek Voyager Season 4 Episode 15 "Hunters"

Citizen Journalism Should Provide Immediacy

2008-06-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Citizen Journalism is rapidly taking hold of media consumers, and it’s no wonder why. It provides an immediacy that newsgroups just can’t match.

Take the fellow who was arrested in Egypt while doing his senior project. Armed with nothing more than his cell phone, he Twittered one word: “arrested.” Within an hour, his followers had secured legal counsel.

Then there were the quakes in China. Stories of this natural disaster flew across the internet at least an hour before any newsgroup could even get to the scene.

Citizen Journalism is more dynamic, more on it, than any other form of reporting available. Sure, it can result in misinformation and subsequent misunderstandings. But when you empower people to report, not to wait for an “expert” to scoop the story, the information flows like wine.

Although this isn’t the only quality of Citizen Journalism, it certainly is a keystone. It’s about “power to the people” and all that. However, stories must be published in a timely fashion in order to rank as newsworthy. If some time has passed, if the excitement and agitation has waned, the story must have a uniquely human-interest approach in order to qualify as substantive.

Here’s a word for anyone publishing CJ content:
Unless you can break the story immediately, always opt for the unique or human-interest angle. Otherwise, you risk sounding like a follower instead of a leader.

A Follow-Up To: “Self-Created Legitimacy — Is It Ethical?”

2008-06-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

Back in May, I wrote about an episode of “The Office” in which the former-temp-gone-executive, Ryan, has ordered the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin to work late to place real-time orders into the newly launched corporate site. The purpose was to make the website appear like a legitimate usage of corporate funds.

In that post, I asked if this was ethical. No one bit and offered their take. I withheld my thoughts, but was glad to see that the writers were in my camp. Is it ethical to self-create legitimacy? The writers said no, as was apparent in their follow up to Ryan’s decision: he was arrested.

Are Microsoft Jokes Old Hat?

2008-06-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

“Microsoft sucks!”

Time and time again, you hear the same old stabs at all things produced by Bill Gates’ mega-corporation.

There are countless jokes about how poorly Microsoft performs, with claims of systems freezing up abounding. Mac users love to complain about how slow MS operating systems run. Linux/Unix users like to say that MS operating systems are too bogged down with extraneous and redundant systems checks.

There’s one joke in particular that continues to make its rounds. It goes as follows:

At a [not-so] recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating, "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only run on five percent of the roads.
The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protect ion fault" warning light.
The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.
GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.
Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.

Heard this one before? Thought so. This joke was obviously written when Macs were superior and Windows ’95 still floundered. Let me address each of these point-by-point, based on my own experience:

1. “For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.”

COUNTERPOINT: After moving from Windows ’95 to XP, I have rarely if ever experienced a crash. If I did have a crash, it was a hardware error or a virus. Now, Macs, hmmm, I’ve had the extreme misfortune of having to use Macs at most publishing companies, and they were constantly crashing.

2. “Every time they painted new lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.”

COUNTERPOINT: Although this used to be true, all updates for legitimate copies of a Windows system are 100% free! Are all the updates timely and do they all improve your system? Not always.

3. “Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.“

COUNTERPOINT: This is really an expansion of point 1. It’s been forever since I’ve had to restart my Windows XP. Macs on the other hand? Are you familiar with the spinning wheel of death? Most Mac users are, and they typically deal with them at least every other day. The only course of action to resolve the wheel? Unplug the Mac, which is horribly detrimental to the system.

4. “For some reason you would simply accept this.”

COUNTERPOINT: What choice do you have, regardless of the system you’re using?

5. “Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.”

COUNTERPOINT: Once again, another outdated comment and repeat of point 1 and 3. The writer of this joke is a bit of a broken record, eh?

6. “Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT," but then you would have to buy more seats.”

COUNTERPOINT: Eh? Definitely an outdated observation. All Windows systems since NT offer the ability to set up multiple user accounts.

7. “Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but it would only run on five percent of the roads.”

COUNTERPOINT: “Sorry, Mac lovers. Why do Apple products run quicker? It’s because they don’t have all the systems checks in place. If you’re not checking to make sure that your system is running correctly and virus-free upon opening, of course it will run faster. All it’s going to take is for one Mac-hating proficient hacker to destroy every Mac OS out there. I’ll take the extra 10-30 second delay for the sake of security, thanks. As for powered by the sun? Is there any reason in hell you should have to send your iPod back to the shop to replace the battery or that your iPhone has bubbling screens and run off a monopolistic relationship with AT&T? And they call Bill Gates an evil proprietary ass.

8. “The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "general protection fault" warning light.”

COUNTERPOINT: Yep, another outdated comment. As a Windows user, when was the last time you received this warning? If ever?

9. “The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.”

COUNTERPOINT: I see their point here. If you need emergency defenses to deploy, you don’t want to have the system ask you for permission to do so. However, I’ve not seen a Windows system ever have to take this step. I personally like the “Are you sure?” step, especially during the trash/recycle step. Unlike a Mac, that doesn’t ask and permanently deletes the program or folder with no recourse for recovery.

10. “Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the antenna.”

COUNTERPOINT: CTRL + ALT + DEL? Wish Mac offered this function. Is this really so complicated that it’s worthy of a stab? At least you can use this feature without having to turn off the whole system like on Macs.

11. “GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.”

COUNTERPOINT: Hmmm, not sure what in the world this refers to. Definitely outdated though.

12. “Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.”

COUNTERPOINT: Isn’t this true with any system? In fact, it’s true with most all new or revised products. That’s just the way it works. Users hated XP when it first came out, but now, they scream about how they want their XP’s back and to do away with the glitch-riddled Vista (which has taken large steps to mimic the supposedly superior function and feel of the Mac OSX.)

13. “You'd have to press the "start" button to turn the engine off.”

COUNTERPOINT: As a wordsmith, I appreciate this irony of this point. How would you name this though? Would you create a separate “Turn Off” button outside of the Start Menu? Suggestions for improvement will always reign supreme.

Conclusion:
If you’re going to cycle the same joke around, make sure it’s humor is timeless.

An All-Too Similar Post:
A Programmer Cliché