30 August 2005

Rewriting Erotic Poetry

Way back in the beginning of July, I posted a piece on writing erotic poetry. I still don't think I've found a form for sexy poems, but after stumbling across something I wrote last summer before taking any poetry classes, I took a shot at rewriting what I consider a hot poem:

Original poem written before poetry class Fall term 2004:

The ways I want to get you:

In the red
the devil thread,
less horns, tail and panties
and legs widespread.

Wearing big black boots
nipple clamps dangling from boobs.
Egyptian eyes, burgundy lips
Riding atop with thrusting hips

The first shot at rewriting this poem done on 28 August 2005:

The ways I want you…

In the red,
the devil thread,
less horns, tail and panties
legs widespread

Big black boots
nipple clamps dangling
Egyptian eyes, burgundy lips (or…Champagne lips)
riding atop bucking hips

The second shot at rewriting, done in haiku fashion on 28 August 2005:

Haiku 1

I want you in red
devil threads and legs widespread
riding bucking hips

Haiku 2

red devil threads black boots
Egyptian eyes Champagne lips
spread legs bucking hips

The poems are based on a picture of Renee in action wearing some of my favorite Halloween costumes. The sexy red-lingerie-wearing devil and Cleopatra. In the case of the latter imagery, I played with the idea of Champagne because it too is a place name, plus the connotations are more apparent and copious than burgundy, which isn’t without its strength either. I mostly like burgundy because the imagery’s a bit more concrete than Champagne.

After rewriting the poem in conventional stanzas, I found the imagery contained enough potency to carry a haiku form. The words I had to work with could be molded in various ways to deliver different emphasis. For instance, Haiku 1 addresses the woman and my desire directly, with no illusions as to what "I" want from the addressee; Haiku 2 describes the scene and plays with nouns and adjectives, doubling them as verbs: "threads" and "bucking," for example.

Haiku form seems to hint at the raw, at the exotic. Of course, I'm forcing the form upon the fantasy. But, isn't that what happens with our fantasies? We force them into the form we want, rarely allowing for deviation from our overriding desire to make love to someone under particular conditions: dressed in red lingerie, with made up eyes, and wearing big black boots, in this case.

What's your fantasy? Write a haiku and share it with me and the other readers of this blog in the comments section.

P.S. Congratulations to Robert Casserly for being the featured poet in this month's edition of The Jefferson Monthly.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

the gentle caress
of my wife's soft, loving hands
fire and dynamite

theresa said...

I love how you discuss your writing process.

Kyle Stich said...

Thanks, Theresa. I have hopes of writing discussions arising on this blog.

Anonymous said...

the longer we wait
the better we get going
life's funny like that